[USHERETTES]
Opening night, it's opening night
It's Max Bialystock's latest show
Will it flop or will it go?
The cast is taking its final bow
Here comes the audience now

The doors are open, they're on their way
Let's hear what they have to say

[The audience exits the theater.]

[FIRST NIGHTERS]
He's done it again
He's done it again
Max Bialystock has done it again

We can't believe it
You can't conceive it

[MALE SOLOIST]
How'd he achieve it?

[FIRST NIGHTERS]
It's the worst show in town
We sat there sighing
Groaning and crying
There's no denying
It's the worst show in town

Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss
We've seen shit, but never like this

Max Bialystock has done it again
The songs were rotten
The book was stinkin'
What he did to Shakespeare
Booth did to Lincoln

We couldn't leave faster, what a disaster
We are still in shock
Who produced this schlock?
That slimy, sleazy Max Bialystock

(spoken)
What a bum!