STUDENT #1:
It's been said that your grandfather
Brought dead tissue back to life
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein?

STUDENT #2:
It's been said that your grandfather
Created a horrifying monster
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein?

STUDENT #3:
It's been said

(spoken)
. . . nay, even sung

(sung)
That your grandfather's monster
Hurt and lamed, killed and maimed
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein?

STUDENTS:
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein?
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein?
Is that true
Is that true
Is that true
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein?
FREDERICK (spoken):
That's Fronkensteen! My name, it's pronounced Fronkensteen! Yes, yes, the whole world knows what my grandfather did. But
Please, do I look like the kind of madman who'd prowl around graveyards, digging up freshly buried corpses?

STUDENT #1:
Well, Professor

FREDERICK:
Don't answer that!

(sung)
I'm not a Frankenstein
I don't indulge in hijinks
Or tomfoolery!

I'm not a Frankenstein
I don't believe in mummies
Ghosts, or Ghoulery!

I deal in fact not fiction
I am a scientist
I live for truth and reason
That's the reason I exist

(spoken)
There is a vast difference between my crazy grandfather's delusional experiments and my own devotion to pure science. Which
Leads us directly to the subject of today's lecture
(sung)
The brain!
There is nothing like the brain
Hearts and lungs are simply tinker toys
When stacked against the brain!

Insane!
I'm insane about the brain!
No invention in the universe
Is equal to the brain!

The mouth's a marvel
When it comes to eating
I've nothing against the womb
I thank the bladder
When I'm excreting
And I always give the elbow room!

But the brain!
Please allow me to explain
There's no organ can compare to it
I swear to it, it's plain
It's the brain

(spoken)
Mr. Hilltop here, with whom I have never worked nor given any prior instruction to, has graciously offered his services for
This afternoon's demonstration
(sung)
His medulla oblongata
Tells his brain stem that it's gotta
Send an impulse full of data
Which creates a lotta pain
His frontal lobe gets busy
With a thought that makes him dizzy
Puts his cortex in a tizzy
So he never will complain
That's what I love about the brain!

(spoken)
Mr. Hilltop, will you raise your left knee, please. You have just witnessed a voluntary nerve impulse. Mr. Hilltop, you
May lower your knee. Reflex movements, on the other hand, are those which are made independently of the will. Why you dirty
Rotten yellow son-of-a-bitch!

MR. HILLTOP:
Ooooh!

FREDERICK:
Even though I almost kneed him
His reflexes have no freedom
To react when I mistreat him
It's important I explain
Synaptic nerve connection
Goes its way without detection
Bringing cranial protection
In a never-ending chain!
That's what I love about the brain!

(spoken)
But what if we were to block those nerve impulses by simply aplying local pressure . . . . . . which can be done with any
Ordinary metal clamp, just at the swelling of the posterior nerve root . . . for say, oh, four seconds . . . . . . Why you
Mother-grabbing bastard! As you can see, even though I have just smashed my knee into his crotch, he does not react. He
Feels absolutely nothing

MR. HILLTOP:
Mmmm

FREDERICK:
More or less. So if it were not for this continuous stream of motor impulses from the brain, we would collapse . .
Like a bunch . . . of . . . broccoli!

MR. HILLTOP:
Oooooh!

FREDERICK (sung):
And in conclusion
So there's no confusion
Let me say it once again
Though your genitalia
Has been known to fail ya
You can bet your ass on the brain!

(spoken)
Everybody!

STUDENTS (sung):
The brain!
There is nothing like the brain!
It's the king of our anatomy
And ever shall it reign!

FREDERICK:
You can call me Copernicus
Kepler, or Newton
Compare me to Freud
I'd feel high-falutin!

Call me a Darwin
I love that man's theory
Call me Pasteur
And watch me get teary!

Say Madame Curie
That would be the best
Call me a Rorschach
I'm up to the test!

I really light up
When you call me Edison
Call me an Erlich
I like that man's medicine
Call me Marconi
That wireless wow

Call me Pavlov
And I'll bark like a chow
Call me an Einstein
And that would be fine
If you called me a Tesla
I wouldn't decline

But to call me a Frankenstein
Would be insane
Cause I love the brain!

STUDENTS:
His name is Fronkensteen
The facts are plain
There is nothing like the brain!