{INQUISITOR}
(spoken)
All pay heed! Now enters his holiness Torquemada, the Grand Inquisitor of the Spanish Inquisition!
Torquemada; do not employ him for compassion
Torquemada; do not beg him for forgiveness
Torquemada; do not ask him for mercy
Let's face it, you can't Torquemada anything!

{TORQUEMADA}
(spoken)
Let all those who wish to confess their evil ways and accept and embrace the true church convert now or forever burn in hell for now begins the Inquisition!

{TORQUEMADA (INQUISITORS)}
(sung)
The Inquisition (Let's begin!)
The Inquisition (Look out, sin!)
We have a mission
To convert the Jews (Jew-jew-jew-jew-jew-jew-jews)

We're gonna teach them (Wrong from right!)
We're gonna help them (See the light!)
And make an offer
That they can't refuse (that the Jews just can't refuse)

Confess!
Don't be boring!
Say yes!
Don't be dull!
A fact
You're ignoring;
It's better to lose your skullcap
Than your skull!

{JEWS}
Oye gevalt!

{TORQUEMADA (INQUISITORS)}
The Inquisition (What a show!)
The Inquisition (Here we go!)
We know you're wishing that we go away
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay
(The Inquisition, oh boy!
The Inquisition, what a joy!
The Inquisition, oy, oy!)

{JEW #1}
I was sitting in a temple
I was minding my own business
I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass

Then these Papist persons plunging
And they throw me in a dungeon
And they shoved a red hot poker up my ass!
Is that considerate?
Is that polite?
And not a tube of Preparation H in sight

{JEW #2}
I'm sittin' flickin' chickens
And I'm lookin' through the pickins'
And suddenly these goys break down my walls

I didn't even know them
And they grabbed me by the scrotum
And they started playing ping-pong with my balls!

Oy, the agony!
Ooh, the shame!
They make my privates public for a game?

{TORQUEMADA (INQUISITORS)}
The Inquisition (What a show!)
The Inquisition (Here we go!)
We know you're wishing that we go away
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to—

{EXECUTIONERS}
Hey Torquemada, whaddaya say?
{TORQUEMADA}
I just got back from the auto-da-fé

{EXECUTIONERS}
Auto-da-fé? What's an auto-da-fé?

{TORQUEMADA (JEWS)}
It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway

Skit-skat-voodly-vat
Doodly-day!

Will you convert? (No, no, no, no)
Will you confess? (No, no, no, no)
Will you revert? (No, no, no, no)
Will you say yes? (No, no, no, no)

Now I asked in a nice way
I said pretty please
I bent their ears
Now I'll work on their knees!

{Dance Break}

{INQUISITORS}
Hey Torquemada, walk this way
We gotta little game that you might wanna to play
So pull that handle try your luck!

{INQUISITOR}
(spoken)
Who knows, Torque. You might win a buck!

{TORQUEMADA}
(spoken)
All right!

{TORQUEMADA}
(spoken)
Put it in the car

{INQUISITOR}
(spoken)
In the car

{INQUISITOR}
(spoken)
In the car

{TORQUEMADA}
How we doing? Any converts today?

{EXECUTIONERS}
Not a one! Nay, nay, nay!

{TORQUEMADA}
We've flattened their fingers
We've branded their buns
Nothing is working!
SEND IN THE NUNS!

{TORQUEMADA and COMPANY}
The Inquisition, what a show!
The Inquisition, here we go!
We know you're wishin' that we go away
So come on, you Muslims and you Jews
We got big news for all of youse
You better change your point of views today
'cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!