[Verse 1]
There was a peaceful town called Rock Ridge
Where people lived in harmony
They never had no kind of trouble
There was no hint of misery

[Verse 2]
*cows mooing*
The town saloon was always lively
But never nasty or obscene
Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson
He always kept things nice and clean. *burp*

[Verse 3]
Then all at once the trouble started
A pack of murderers and thieves. *gunshot*
Like swarms of locusts they descended
Their aim, to make the townsfolk flee

[Man]
Oh, shit!
*window breaking*

[Man]
Well, that's the end of this suit
[Old Woman]
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Have you ever seen such cruelty? Ooh! Ooh! Ow!

Now is a time of great decision
Are we to stay, or up and quit?
There's no avoiding this conclusion
Our town is turning into shit