[MAX, spoken]
Look at these reviews! "A satiric masterpiece."

[LEO, spoken]
No way out

[MAX, spoken]
"A surprise smash!"

[LEO, spoken]
No way out

[MAX, spoken]
"It was shocking, outrageous, insulting...and I loved every minute of it!"

[LEO, spoken]
No way out

[MAX, spoken]
How could this happen?

(sung)
The show was lousy and long
We did everything wrong
Where did we go right?
[LEO, spoken]
"Christmas came early to Broadway this year - and guess who they stuffed in our stocking? Adolf Hitler!"

[MAX]
It was so crass and so crude
Even Goebbels would've booed
Where did we go right?

[LEO, spoken]
"Last night a star was born on Broadway - the lovely Miss Ulla
Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden-Svanson. We predict that her name will soon be up in lights. If they can find enough bulbs."

[BOTH]
We searched Broadway on and off
For singers with a cough
We had tryouts and auditions by the score
And to trip the light fantastic
We picked dancers who were spastic
If anyone jetéd, we jetéd them out the door!

[MAX]
They shouted hooray
For that sausage on display
Where did we go right?

[LEO]
Our leading man was so gay
He nearly flew away
Where did we go right?
[MAX]
A show so easy to despise...
[LEO]
Now it's up for the Pulitzer Prize!
[BOTH]
Oh, where, oh, where, tell us where did we go right?

[MAX, spoken]
"The best new music of the decade! Max Bialystock is a theatrical genius!"
Now they like me!

(sung)
Oh, we knew we couldn't lose

[BOTH]
Half the audience were Jews!

[LEO]
It's the end of our careers!

[MAX]
It'll run for twenty years!

[BOTH]
Tell us where did we go right?!