[Spoken]
"It's never easy figuring out the best possible way to ask for money, but you know what they say, "Blatant solicitation marauding under the thin veil of a music video might work." You see, I've had this idea to make an album for quite a while, an album full of spoken word, melancholic moments, shitty prepubescent vocals, references to the upper Midwest, an inescapable atmospheric guitar tones. I've always thought that Canadian Softball had more to offer than a dramatic compilation of Jaden Smith tweets. Is it that facetious to say that the emo revival could use some reviving? I've crowdfunded in the past with Beating a Dead Horse and Friendville, both of which did pretty well, I guess. With twenty-thousand dollars we can finally experience the potential of a full length Canadian Softball album, and I know what you're thinking: "Jarrod, that's a crap-ton of money, why-why the hell do you need that much?" Keep in mind that your contribution is in no way a donation as every contribution will earn you a tangible product. You're literally buying something, so don't forget that. For ten dollars you can get a download of the album, fifteen dollars gets you a physical CD, twenty-five dollars for the album with a T-shirt, or perhaps a little more for a rad dad hat. Just one dollar for a shout out in a video, every cent helps. The perks also include signed posters, wall flags, and Skype sessions, and if you're willing to fork out a little extra, I will literally bake a tater-tot hot dish and bring it to you. It's a Minnesotan thing, I guess. Although only a portion of the funds raised go into producing the album, take note of the other expenses which include media, publishing, perk fulfillment, various fees, and taxes. The reward fulfilment cost alone for Friendville ended up being over fourteen-thousand dollars. Writing that check gave me debilitating anxiety, and in case you're not sold yet, here's the real treat: If the project gets over funded thirty-thousand dollars, I will take the band on tour. That's not a "maybe", I will definitely take the band on a live tour, if this goal is achieved. Might even play a Sunrise Skater Kids song or two. Getting back to the point, you only have thirty days to contribute. If we don't reach the goal in thirty days, everybody gets their money back, and the project is cancelled. That would really suck. Head over to my crowdfunding page now to get your perk, and help make this album a reality. It could even be ready for release as early as April, but we'll have to wait and see. Well, what are you waiting for? There should be a link in the description of this video, you should probably go click that link at some point."