[Liner Note]
A festive CYO party with crepe paper streamers, contestants for the broom dance, the hokey pokey, baked goods, & Father Riley making sure the lights don't go down too low...

[Refrain: Father Riley & various party-goers]
Catholic girls (With a tiny little mustache)
Catholic girls (Do you know how they go?)
Catholic girls (In the rectory basement)
(Father Riley's a fairy but it don't bother Mary)
Catholic girls (At the CYO)
Catholic girls (Do you know how they go?)
Catholic girls (There can be no replacement)
(How do they go, after the show?)

[Verse 1: Joe]
All the way, that's the way they go
Everyday, and none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray, for all the class they show
There's nothing like a Catholic girl
At the CYO when they learn to blow...

[Refrain: Father Riley & Mary]
They're learning to blow
All the catholic boys! (Warren Cuccurullo...)
Catholic boys! (Kinda young, kinda wow!)
Catholic boys! (Vinnie Colaiuta...)
Where are they now?
Did they all take the vow?
[Instrumental]

[Refrain: Father Riley, Warren and Officer Butzis]
Catholic girls (Carmenita Scarfone...)!
Catholic girls (Hey! she gave me VD!)
Catholic girls (Toni Carbone!)
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!

[Verse 2: Joe]
VD vaudi voudi
Right away, that's the way they go
Everyday, whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee, pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a Catholic girl
With her hand in the box when she's on her knees

[Refrain: Larry, & various party-goers]
She was on her knees
My little catholic girls (In a little white dress)
Catholic girls (They never confess)
Catholic girls (I got one for a cousin)
(I love how they go, so send me a dozen)
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
Catholic girls
[Outro: Central Scrutinizer]
This is the Central Scrutinizer...
Joe had a girlfriend named Mary
She used to go the church club every week
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands and think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting-