Ha, ha, ho!

There was a man, a little ole man, who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid, and a car and a house
And a teenage daughter, with a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball, and her name was Magdalena

The little ole man came home one night
To his house in Montreal
He caught his daughter in the blouse by the light
And he said to himself: "she looks all right!"
And he reached for a tit and grabbed it tight
And threw her up against the wall, blue cross!

Magdalena, my daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land

Do you have any idea what that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea what that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
The little ole man with the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit as he reached for her tit
And he said to himself: "this gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around and said: "go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall, right on, Magdalena!

My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land

Do you have any idea what that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea? what that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?

Magdalena, don't you tease me like this
Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed

Doodle, doodle, doodle, duh-duh, dee-uh
Doodle, doodle, doodle, duh-duh, dee-uh
Doodle, doodle, doodle, duh-duh, dee-uh
Doodle, doodle, doodle, duh-duh, dee-uh-ahh
Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena
Daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles
I'd like to take you in the closet
And take off your little clothes
Until you're virtually stark raving n***
Spread mayonnaise and Kaopectate all over your body
And take you down to Hollywood Boulevard
And we can, we can walk down the streets
By the stars that say John Provost
And Leo G. Carrol together, baby

We can go dancing up at the Cina Grill ... can't you see it: Frank Pernell and us, until dark ... don't you understand, my Baby ... I didn't mean, I didn't need, I mean ... it was so hard for me ... I just ... I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night, in the light, with your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie...and I just said 'My god, my god, I gave my sperm to this thing'...and now I just,...oh you got me so hard, I just, I don't know what to do Magdalena, don't you understand? So I grabbed you - but, but don't hold it against me - I mean, your mom will never know, Baby ... and I wantcha to come back to me... I mean... do you understand me?... I want you to... I'm down on my knees to ya, Magdalena... I wantcha ta walk back to me, Baby... I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine... that's it! that's it!... in the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall... and I want you to step, Baby, I want you to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's, same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for the christmas... and I want you to stroll back to me, Baby... Walk back Baby, dontcha understand me Baby... I want you to walk back... I'm down on bended knees, Baby... I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I wanna take off your little trainig bra...Don't you understand me. I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants... I'm gonna get down on my knees, Baby... dontcha understand what I'm saying to you... your mom will never know... she's playing bridge with the girls... and you and I... you and I will... Baby, it's just you and I... dontcha understand... we can make love all night long... nobody will ever know... come on, Magdalena! ...please, little girl... walk back to your daddy... what did I do that was so wrong?...my god, I was only following the sexual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show...from a book or something I wrote, I didn't know what I was doing...I got carried away... walk back, oh please, to your daddy!... come on, Magdalena... to your daddy, Baby... your mom will never know... come back to you daddy!...