I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She strolled on over, say
"Look here, bum, I got a forty-dollar bill says
You can't make me cum . .
(No way! Y'jes can't do it")

She made a bet with her sister (who's a little bit dumb)
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)

Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I just spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
(Moo-ah!)
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
An' I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta be out of it
To get myself into it
An' I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it

(She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said . . . and here's what she said . . . )

"Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up
Well, then my body don't care . . . "
I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said, "My-my-my!
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?"

The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little (OW!) if I wasn't done yet

I told her:
"Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try . . . "

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked if she had any cooties in there
WHADDYA MEAN, 'COOTIES'!
NO 'COOTIES' ON ME!

She was buns-up kneelin'
BUNS UP!
I was wheelin' an' dealin'
WHEELIN' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOOH!
She surrendered to the feelin'
SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED
An' she started in to squealin'
Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
Her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Until Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline . .

I said
Kiss my aura . . . Dora . .
That's right!
You know why?
Because obviously it was real angora
And then I said
Would you all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?

Brian: Frank, Frank . . . up on stage, up on stage, Frank . .
FZ: What?
Brian: Take me up man, I want . .
FZ: Take you up?
Brian: Yeah!
FZ: Sure! . . . Wait a minute, now that you're up on stage, what's your name?
Brian: Brian Rivera
FZ: Are you having a OK Halloween, Brian?
Brian: I'm having an excellent time! Sing for Greenwich, man, Greenwich, Connecticut . .
FZ: Alright now, I'll tell you what, Brian, do you know the words to this song?
Brian: Well, in a way, in a way . .
FZ: OK, here's . . . Brian, this is your golden opportunity. This is the Frank Zappa Perform-Alike Contest, and here's what you're going to do: We're gonna play the song again and you're gonna pretend you're me, and you pretend to sing the song and dance all across the stage and give these people a very good Halloween show, would you?
Brian: Right! Yeah! Yeah!
FZ: OK, ready? Work! Work!

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
(Great!)

She strolled on over, say, "Look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill says
You can't make me cum . .
(Y'jes can't do it)"

She made a bet with her sister (who's a little bit dumb)
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
(So I got down to it)

Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
You know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
A Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
(Hey! How come you guys aren't singing it? Wait a minute, wait a minute . . . )

Dinah-Moe . .
Dinah-Moe . .
Dinah-Moe . .
Dinah-Moe . .
(That's right!)
Dinah-Moe . .
Dinah-Moe . .
Dinah-Moe . .
(Give me that hat!)
Alright!

FZ: Alright, alright . . . What? "San Ber'dino"? No, no, not yet . . . I'll tell you what. Boy is this thing hard to hold on your head! Let's do another song . . . here . .
Guy In The Audience: "San Ber'dino"!
FZ: No no, we'll do that later . . . Hey thanks man, you do a pretty good imitation of me . . . Nice fingernail polish! Really good! Really good! I like that . . . Let's wait, look at, show the camera, show the camera your fingernails . . . very good, nice . . . Alright! What's this? Thank you! What? OK! Thank you! Wait a minute! Ah . . . take these . . . OK!