[Intro: Central Scrutinizer]
But one night, at the Social Club meeting
Mary didn't show up
She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free

[Lyric Note 1]
Backstage at the local Armory, MARY, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P. A. System

[Verse 1: Larry]
Hey, hey, hey all you girls in these industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect, they never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta' try a little friendly advice

[Refrain: Larry and Roadies]
And be a crew slut
Hey, you'll love it
Be a crew slut
It's a way of life
Be a crew slut
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
Crew slut
Add water, makes its own sauce
Be a crew slut
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew are just waiting for you
[Verse 2: Larry]
You never get to move around, you never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like to go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride on the mixer's face

[Refrain: Larry and Roadies]
And be a crew slut
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a crew slut
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a crew slut
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it and you don't need to wash it!
Crew slut
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
Be a crew slut
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew are only waiting for you

[Lyric Note 2]
At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing..

[Instrumental]

[Verse 3: Larry]
Well you been to Alabama, girl, 'n Georgia too
And all the boys in the crew is bein' good to you
I know you're sayin' to yourself "This is the way to go"
Cause when you need a little extra they will give you some mo'
[Refrain: Larry, Mary and Roadies]
Cause you're the crew slut
I'm into leather
That's good!
Crew slut
A lot of the boys in the crew love leather
And rubber?
Crew slut
Yeah, they like rubber too... shrink-tubing with a hair dryer
Trade your spot on the bench for a guy with a wrench
And be a crew slut
Ha ha ha
You like that, huh?
Crew slut
I told you you'd love it
It's a way of life!
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
A present for me?
We got a present for you!
Whaddya got?
Whaddya gonna give me?
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You'll love it
With leather?
[Outro: Central Scrutinizer]
Eh errr, eh eh... This is the Central Scrutinizer, again
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of sleazery....
With the entire road crew of some famous rock group...
I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not...
I don't know... I'll check it out-
Again we see music causing big trouble!