The tragic story of the three assholes. I guess I'm reaching you right? You anyway. You too oh, more of the gas escaping ladies and gentlemen this is the tragic story of the three assholes. They were just climbing around up there I think they got 'em. There were three other assholes who inspired this song, were members of the journalistic community. They came to interview me one time, brought their girlfriends with 'em. This is in the early days of the women's liberation movement, when it was really important for a guy to prove to the girl that he was with that he was on their side, you know what I mean? The first guy on the block to say "Miss" to somebody, he thought he was gonna get sucked off 'cause he would say it first. And of course a lot of the girls were stupid enough to suck him off just because he said "Miss," they thought "Hey a live one!" This guy'll do anything. And so these three guys who came in to interview me were from that school of thought. The idea of what they were gonna do was come over there and try to ask me these really deep, sensitive questions and make me look shitty, make them look good, and make their girlfriends suck them all off after the interview. It did not work. What it did do however was cause the construction of this song. Now this song is in the realm of theory. This is a fantasy story that could have happened in the lives of those three guys...where they might wind up from that kind of behavior. It goes like this:

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiny
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm
Actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
Gonna get a good job 'n be real rich

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' all across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then
Boy, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which

So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now because the name of this song is "Envelopes"