Straighten up in that chair and pay attentium! People, this is for your own good! Do you know what you are?

Do you know what you are? (that's what I asked ya)
You are what you is
You is what you am (ain't dat de truth?)
(A cow don't make ham . . . ) I mean that now
You ain't what you're not (not even hardly)
So see what you got (and you got a lotta lookin' to do, junior)
You are what you is (that's entirely too correct)
An' that's all it 'tis (uh-huh)

A foolish young man (bring that W over here and show it to us)
Stashed away at San Quentin
Picked up these potatoes (told you 'bout them 'tatoes)
Evil Prince was inventin'
Now he talk like the Thing-Fish
("Saffiiiee!")
An' he look like a mammy
("See the mammy now, see the mammy now!")
His favorite co-log-nah
(Smell like chitlins!)
Well, they taste just like candy (one out of twelve see the mammy)
He finally laid it
Laid de whole thing down
Said the Nivea Lotion (rub it on good now)
And de Royal Crown (take good care of that ash)
Do you know what you are? (you's a wimp, she's a shrew)
You are what you is (got that?)
You is what you am (one out of twelve see the mammy)
(A cow don't make ham . . . ) And it never will
You ain't what you're not (unless science do somethin' 'bout it)
So see what you got (I know they workin' on it)
You are what you is (underneath Virginia)
An' that's all it 'tis (book 'em Danno, mammy one!)

A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
Well he stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
Well he traded his dashiki
("Uhuru!")
For some Jordache Jeans
Well he learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
"I AIN'T NO ('nignant) NO MORE . . . HEY! HEY! HEY!"
One of them twelve see them nignant with knife, procede with cautium, knife may be open
BWANA MA-COO-BAH
"All right let's go!"
MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ
Who is who
(I don't know . . . )
'N what is what
(Somethin' I just don't know . . . )
'N why is this
(Tell me now . . . )
Appropriot
(That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever I heard one . . . )
If you don't like
(Where'd you get that word?)
What you has got
(Appropriot? The word is not . . . )
Drop it in the dirt
(Drop it yeah . . . )
'N let it rot
(I can smell it now . . . )
Someone else
(Here de come, here de come . . . )
Will surely come
(I told you he was comin')
'N pick it up
(That's right!)
Cause he wants some
(An' he wants it for free . . . )
And when one day
(There will come a day . . . )
You wonder who
(I wonder too . . . )
You used to was
(Who I was anyway . . . )
'N what you do
(I used to work at the post office . . . )
You'll scratch your head
(But I don't wanna un-do my doo . . . )
'N look around
(Just to see what's goin' on . . . )
But what you lost
(Can't seem to find it . . . )
Will not be found
(A Mercedes Benz . . . )
Do you know what you are?
(I know . . . )
You are what you is
(I'm the kinda guy . . . )
You is what you am
(That ought to be drivin' . . . )
A cow don't make a ham
(A four-fifty SLC . . . )
You ain't what you're not
(A big ol' red one . . . )
So see what you got
(With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk . . . )
You are what you is
(I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin' . . . )
An' that's all it is
(Gimme a five-dollar bill . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(And an overcoat too . . . )
AND THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Where's my waitress? Yeah . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(Robbie, take me to Greek Town . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(I'm goin' down to White Street, to the Mudd Club y'all . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm goin' down 'n work the wall 'n work the floor . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
('N work the pipe 'n work the wall . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Some more . . . )