FZ: Now ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally do this but just because this is Saint Patrick’s Day, this is our special Saint Patrick's Day program, and I even wear a green shirt and everything. We wanna try and work a little bit of, well let's just say Home Grown Irish Flavor into this program. Now bring the band on down behind me boys, this is really quite technical. You understand that each ethnic group has characteristics, and these characteristics are generally made fun of by other ethnic groups. Now I happen to feel that the Irish people in this country have gotten a "bum rap," to use a common expression. Many people feel that Irish people in America simply aren’t sexy. Now in order to dispel the ethnic myth that people of the Irish persuasion are not particularly sexy, we are going to make it possible for volunteers from the audience tonight to demonstrate just how hot they are. Now what I would like to have, I would like to have at least four girls who think they are Irish to come up here . . . no, they have, no, no, no, they have to be volunteers, you have to volunteer for this, it can't be under duress. I, no, let me explain, this is very scientific, we need two more. Okay heh, you all think you're Irish, right? OK, ok. Now listen, quiet please, this is very very scientific. That's right. In order to prove that you are genuinely hot we're going to give you, each and every one, an opportunity to make a sex noise with musical accompaniment. And so:

Make a sex noise!
(Say)
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!

FZ: Now, I'm not sure that each and everyone of these contestants is truly Irish in the biblical sense of the word, but I think we have to give them credit for coming up here and representing the Irish people in Binghamton tonight. Especially when you realize that that's about the only form of safe sex left in America
Ike: Hah hah hah!