FZ:

We'll play you our special number

This is the number we always play when, when people ask us to play more. Because we know that after we play this they couldn't possibly ever want to hear us again

Four years ago in Canada—I think it was in Toronto—there was a thing that happened with the symphony orchestra where— There was an American composer named Edgard Varèse, who was quite a spiffy composer. The Americans didn't give a shit about him, you know, 'cause he was writing stuff that was too weird for their ears

But it just so happened he was about 80 years old, and when composers get that old certain segments of the musical population begin to get a conscience about the fact that they never played this man's music, you know? And he was really writing some heavy stuff but nobody wanted to hear it

So Canada decided, "Well, we're a very cultural nation. We will have a performance of this man's music." So they had this Varèse concert. And they bring Mr. Varèse up, you know, doddering old man, here he is, been writing for a long time. And hardly ever gets to hear any of his music and Canada was gonna do him a favor and they're gonna play some of his tunes for him

So they played this one piece that he wrote called Déserts, which is a composition for orchestra, with interpolations of electronic tape, you know, pre-recorded sounds

And some of the great Canadian musicians were there, playing in the orchestra. And they hated the music, and they played it really bad. And when the tape sections came in, the musicians on stage sat there and laughed all the way through it. And then the audience started laughing

And at the end of the performance Varèse stood up and applauded for the orchestra

We're going to play a piece of music that was written by Edgard Varèse, and we're going to ruin it for you

But you'll be able to identify with it anyway

It consists of the first ten bars or so of a woodwind piece that he wrote called Octandre

Goodnight
Audience:

More! More! More!

Announcer:

The Mothers Of Invention!

Audience:

More! More! More! More! More! More! More! More!

FZ:

Hold it. (Can we play another one? Is it gonna— Will that make a mess?)

Guy In The Audience:

Suzy Creamcheese!

FZ:

I must say this is a rather unprecedented response for the bullshit that we do, so sit down. We'll do some more if you like it