Once upon a time
It was in Albuquerque, New Mexico
There were these girls that worked at the college
The were really cool, they thought so anyway
The would be delighted to tell you how suave they were
At the drop of a hat

There was three of 'em
One of them thought she was a beauty queen
The other one was a walking blow-Job
And then there was this skinny girl

Oh well
Some of the guys in the band got together
With the girls from the college
They were having a good time
We were in Albuquerque for a couple of days
But these girls thought they were Hot Shit
And wouldn't pooch the guys in the band
On the first day, so
A couple of the guys in the band
Who were desparate for that kind of action
Kept working on them for two days
Which is a waste of fuckin time anyway
So, anyway
But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey?
Send those pants up here!
Here's some more!
Okay, good-good!
Traditional cotton...oh, how sweet!
Um...huh huh huh huh
Here, work these!

Anyway
We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico
A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless
Because their girlfriends might find out
Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls from the college
So, one night...it was the first night
When they were still trying to 'get it in there'
Ya know what I mean? Huh huh huh huh
The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band
She says, well, to several of the guys in the band
And one of the T-shirt guys too
Hey, let's go skinny dipping
At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel
That's right, your heard right
Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel, it was so fun
But the water was very, very cold!
So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny
And probably totally insensitive to climatic changes
Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool
And she says, "Hey guys, come on in"
Well, one of them did...
The other one was too smart for that shit
So him and the T-shirt guy say by the edge of the pool
And when the girl who was really skinny
And insensitive to climatic changes
Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool
She threw her pants over there by the little table
Well, one of the guys in the band picked up her panties
He told me later the stuff in the bottom
Was like punching an eclair
Anyhow...there was nothing else to do...
It was Albuquerque, New Mexico
It's two o'clock in the morning
They're not going to get any nooky anyway
So this one guy and the T-shirt guy
Started sniffing the girl's panties
They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue
Sniffing everything that adhered to these
Delightful little morsels
Some of you might think this is weird
No wonder. It's not exactly normal, but what the fuck?
So, they're snorting it
Hey! It's the twentieth century
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it
So long as it doesn't cause a murder

So they're snorting the pants
And then they put them on their heads
They were having a good time
The girl was in the water, she didn't even see
What was going on with her underpants
They were wearing the pants
It looked just like a tiny little party hat
Their ears were sticking out the side, it was so fun
Later on they discovered
This would make a great way of life for them
They would go from town to town, looking for panties
They would take the panties after they were hung up
On the clothes line
Later on they would take them back in the dressing room
They would play with them
They would fetish the underpants
They would snort every little morsel attached
To the underpants and then they would feel that
They were fulfilled
And so you can see
That what we're doing here on stage
Is part of a great american tradition
The tradition of the
JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS