Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried:
You don't really look like an Eskimo
And my momma cried again:
You don't really look like an Eskimo
And my momma cried again:
You don't really look like an Eskimo, no
Nanook, no no
Nanook, no no
Don't be a naughty Eskimo, hey!
(Get back home to yo' mama
Get back home to yo' mama
That's right, I said yo' mama
Hee haw, I said yo' mama)
Save your money: don't go to the show
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(All together now)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(One more time)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
Well right about that time, people
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo)
And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Tell me the truth)
I said with a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo
PEEK-A-BOO
With a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo
PEEK-A-BOO
He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
He hit him on the nose
He hit him on the fin
He hit him on the coccyx
He hit him on the uh, Thermidor
He had him right near Managua several times
(About the thorax)
You know what he did to that seal?
He really fucked up my favorite baby seal
Like this
Now folks, that got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be
And it would you too
So guess what I did
(What'd you do then?)
Hey, you'll never guess
I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly
YELLOW SNOW
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go
An' then I proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the citizens of Chicago
But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK
In your mythology
THE VIGOROUS CIRCULAR MOTION
Here it goes, RUB IT!
(HEY . . . HEY . . . HEY . . . )
Alright, now, listen. Some of you people were here for the last show, right? Okay, well you know what's gonna happen now, don't you? This is audience participation time again, ladies and gentlemen. Now, a lot of the big groups they have really neat things for the audience to do—really sophisticated technological things like, "Hey, everybody, get your hands together and let's boogie!" But, you know, since we're not English or anything, we don't do that, we have things that are really stupid for the audience to do, because the way I've got it figured out—the dumber it is, the more fun it is, so let's get on with it. Here's what you do, everybody stand up. Alright, stand up . . . Alright, what're you guys, paraplegics? Stand up! Alright. Okay, here's what you're gonna do—you're gonna help me demise the fur trapper. This is just— This is just for practice, now watch. Here's what you do

And then you pounced
You pounced again
Jumped up 'n down the chest of the
GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
You injured the fur trapper

Now, is that sophisticated or what? You know? Let's— Hey. Let's face it, this—what I'm asking you to do—is really stupid. It's really stupid. However this would do less harm to you than voting, so let's get on with it. One more time

Now you pounced
And you pounced again
You jumped up 'n down the chest of the

Some of you aren't getting the fast part, I think that you're probably a little bit too ripped for the fast part. We're gonna have to do some more work on the fast part. Now, this is really good for you—it's stupid, but it's good for you. Just the fast part, okay? We go

You jumped up 'n down the chest of the
You jumped up 'n down the chest of the
Jumped up 'n down the chest of the
Jumped up 'n down the chest of the

Some of you are just standing there twitching. A lot of you girls that don't have brassieres on it are trying to stand still so they don't flop up 'n down and hit ya. (Come on!) It won't do. Let it all hang out, guys and girls. Let it flop around. This is the big one. One more time. If you flunk this one, God knows what's gonna happen tonight. All together, I wanna see everybody's buttocks pumping up 'n down this night. Just think of me as an older, more sinister, Jack LaLanne. Ready?

And then I pounced
And I pounced again
And jumped up 'n down the chest of the
GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
You and me have injured the fur trapper
Sit down! Alright. It's almost like going to camp

Well, it was at that time that the fur trapper realized that something was wrong

He looked around
And he looked around
And he looked around
And he kept looking around
And you know what?
(What?)
He said
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!)
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
Oh, an' I can't see

Well, as you know, it was at this precise moment in time and space
That the evil fur trapper remembered the ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
(Hey, don't rush me!)
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
Hey, the only way that you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo

You play this lick, you don't just toss it off, you don't just crank it off, you don't just hurl it out into space. You have to study for oh, moments. Several moments in order to learn this lick. Ed has worked on this lick over and over again. Tonight maybe the—

(The rats?)

Huh? Oh, oh, yes. And Ed found a rat up in the dressing room. Those of you that were here the last show, we gave you the report that Ed was lonely and was trying to find a rat to fuck in the dressing room. He found one, it was really good. Worked it over. He ate it and that's why he has the strength to play this part of the show. Are you ready? Take it away, Ed!

That's right, here we are!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
(Peetie-peetie pattie peetie-peetie pattie pootie)
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
(Pittie! Pattie! Pootie! Bootie-pootie!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene

Saint Alfonzo's
Saint Alfonzo's
Saint Alfonzo's
Saint Alfonzo's
Ooo-ooo-WAH

Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo!

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it)
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it)
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked . . . his
Sma-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ahhh (stroked his smock)
Set him off in such a frenzy
He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK
An' he topped it off with a
An' he topped it off with a
An' he topped it off with a
WOO WOO WOO
WOO WOO WOO
WOO WOO WOO
As he stumbled on his COCK
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
PROUD OF ME
PROUD OF ME
He shouted down the block
(Oh no)
Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu
Oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo
Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nanook
Na-na-na-na-na-nanook-oh
Nanook
Rubs it
Saint
Al
Al
Fo-fo-fo
Fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fonzo

Saint Alfonzo really loves it when he rubs it for him
I have seen him rubbin' it
I have seen him rubbin' it
I have, I have a-seen him stroke his weenie
(It was teenie)
Rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
Nanook is rubbin' it, and Alfie is lovin' it
Saint Alfonzo, can you hear us praying to you?
Can you fix my Chevy?
Boy, you're really heavy
Here's the church and here's the steeple
Open up and see the people
Some are kneelin', some are standin'
All the money they are handing
To some asshole with a basket
Where it goes we dare not ask it
Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
This here basket, really shoves it
Here's your quarter, here's your dollar
Let's play ring around the collar
Hup! Hey, get it now!
(We get it now! We take now your little gifts)

THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU, FRIENDS!

Vince Colaiuta on drums, Arthur Barrow on bass, Tommy Mars on keyboards, Ike Willis on guitar and vocals, Denny Walley on guitar and vocals, Peter Wolf on keyboards, Ed Mann on percussion, Saint Alfonzo rubs it, and uh (of course) thanks for coming to the show (Alfie rubs it), good night

(Oh no!)