Howard: Here's a little story I learned upstream in prison, Folsom Prison, 1968. Hey!

Hey!
Ha!

There was a man
A little ole man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teenage daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball—
And her name was Magdalena

Magdalena . .

The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal
He caught his daughter
In a blouse by the light
And he said to himself
"She looks all right!"
He reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up
Against the wall
(BLUE CROSS!)
Magdalena . .
My daughter dear, do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear, do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard, don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?

Magdalena . .

The little ole man
With the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for a tit
And he said to himself
"This is gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around
And said, "Go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall
Right on, Magdalena!
My daughter dear, do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
My daughter dear, do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard, don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
(Aynsley Dunbar!)

Magdalena, don't you tease me like this
In the hallway with your blouse and your tits
Wow if your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed

DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH-WAH . .

Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena
Daughter of the New York City slums
I'd like to take you down with me, babe
To the corner, honey
And get a Sabrett hot dog
And take it on home
Perform lewd acts
And eat it while it's warm
And, Magdalena, can you see us walking down to Village Oldies together, baby
And searching for that Penguins record that always gave you an orgasm in the eighth grade, you know what I mean, honey?
I remember well
Honey, we can go through Central Park together
And we can watch the sun come up over the bunny things where you get your picture taken and put on a pin at the children's zoo
And then, after that, after that we can have a rancid sausage sandwich on Bleecker St.,
Yes
And you get that drizzly shits and fart all the way home
Oh, can't you see it now, honey
New York has so much to offer. Why it's a fucking summer festival
Fun city
And it's yours, baby
(Walk, walk, walk, walk on back . . . etc.)
It's for you and me
It's our oyster
Now believe me, Magdalena, when I saw you yesterday in the hallway
I didn't mean to grab your little tittie there
I said, "My God, my own daughter, my flesh and blood
I gave my sperm to this kid and now all of a sudden I'm hard as a rock,"
You know what I mean?
I reached out
And I pulled your little nipple closer to me, darling
And your mommy walked in and said
"Harry . .
(Your mom will never know, your mom will never know . . . etc.)
Harry, what are you doing with Magdalena's nipple?"
There was nothing I could say, Magdalena
(Please! Walk, walk, walk on back . . . etc.)
But if you just walk back to me, honey
We don't need her
We don't need Ian, we don't need George, we don't need anybody
Magdalena, turn around under that DayGlo picture of Jesus we bought at the, at the, at the Night Owl, baby
Come on, turn around, come back to me
Your mom'll never know
Your mom'll never know
Your mom'll never know
Your mom'll never know
You gotta walk back, baby, walk back
Come back to your daddy
Please, Magdalena, I need you so
Why, it'll just be you and me, honey
We could take the Staten Island ferry together
We can go see No, No, Nanette and Promises, Promises
We can go to Shirley Bassey at the Waldorf-Astoria
Why, there's nothing we can't do together, my darling
Come back to your daddy
It's you and me, Magdalena, for the rest of our lives . .