Frank Zappa
Auspicious Occasion
FZ: Hello? Welcome to Carnegie Hall, ladies and gentlemen. I hate to ask you this, but if you could just be patient for a couple of minutes while we tune up the synthesizers it'll sound better
Howard?: Ay!
FZ: It says, "Uncle Meat." Thank you for this. Ready? All right. Contrary to the way we normally run our program— Can you put a little bit more of my microphone on this monitor, please?—Wut-tut-tut . .
Mark?: Talk, talk . .
FZ: Hello. One. Ordinarily, when we start off a show, we start off with something really zippy and snazzy so that you get right into it, you know?
Mark: Three Dog Night
FZ: Yeah. But I think this evening, because this is such an auspicious occasion—the desecration of Carnegie Hall itself—that we are actually going to deviate from our format, ladies and gentlemen. Now some of you might find this a little bit too deviated. However, the first selection that we are going to perform is a new piece—it's receiving its New York premiere at this time, and it's uh . . . You may think it's shitty when you hear it. What are you clapping for now? Well, but it's nice to know you're on our side
Audience: Yeah!
Howard?: Right on, brothers and sisters. Woodstock
FZ: Just send those groovy vibes right on up here to the stage. Just blow 'em right on up here
Mark?: I'm eighteen
FZ: Now, listen . .
Mark?: Larry Fischer
FZ: Up your own alley. Hah, hah . .
Mark?: Wild Man Fischer, ladies and gentlemen
FZ: The reason why some of you might find this a little bit too devious is because it's in German