You’ve got to look your best tonight
You tubby little parasite
‘Cause there’s a lovely lady and she’s waiting for you
And though her pretty face may seem
A special person’s wettest is dream
Before you get to see it there are things you must do

We’ll try a tie and boutonniere of yellow
Or a rose that shows that you’re a classy fellow
With a posh panache of Jefferson at Monticello
Busting out a mile with style

I know you just can’t wait to stare
At all that luscious orange hair
But, boy, before you touch a single curl
You must impress that ultra bloomin’
All-consumin’, poorly groomin’
Down Syndrome girl

On any normal day you reek
As if you’re on a farting streak
Your fingers up your nose, and you are dripping with drool
But if you want a ladies love
You’re better off by smelling of
A gentleman’s cologne instead of sneakers and stool
A squirt, a spirt
Of something just for Ellen
And you’ll see, that she
Will find you so compellin’
And she does, because
The only smell that she’ll be smellin’
Won’t be coming from your bum

You wanna take that little whore
And spin her on the dancing floor
But boy before you do a single twirl
You must impress that effervescing
Self-possessing, no BS-ing
Down Syndrome girl

Her eyes are emerald portals
To a secret land of love
And they seem to say we’ll open just for Chris
They shine like sunny weather
And they’re close enough together
That if they should so desire
To create a little fire
They could reach across her nose
And give each other a kiss

[Tap dance break]
My boy between the two of us
We’ll get you on that shorty bus
And then you’re gonna take it for a whirl
Now go impress that super-thrilling
Wish-fullfilling, Yoo-Hoo spilling
Ultra-swinging, boner-bringing
Gaily singing, dingalinging
Stupefying, fortifying
As of Monday, shoelace tying
Stimulating, titillating
Kitty-cat impersonating
Mega-rocking, pillow-talking
Just a little crooked walking
Coyly pouting, booby-sprouting:
For some reason always shouting
Fascinating, captivating
Happiness and joy creating…
Down Syndrome Girl!