[Verse 1: Peter and Cleveland]
There was a time when you'd be more selective
When you were horny and feeling erective
Now one swipe and there's thousands to bone
All from a sex app you use on your phone
That's the Tinder!

[Verse 2: Peter and Joe]
A lot of sad, lonely gals who want babies
Three hundred pounders infested with scabies
Leather gimps who do nothing but moan
These are the weirdos you find on your phone
"You know, a surprising number of them livе near the airport"

[Chorus: Peter and trio]
Gonorrhea, HPV-a
You will catch a do-o-osе
Of blisters and itching and genital warts
'Cause Tinder makes you... so gross!

[Verse 3: Peter]
And for kids, it's kind of tragic
Sex for them has lost its magic
Banging every Tom and Dick and Jack and Jill and Joan
And this also might surprise ya
All your married friends despise ya
'Cause we're not allowed to have an orgy through our phone
[Chorus: Peter and trio]
You're perverted, barely human
You're not even clo-o-ose
A filthy degenerate seekin' a thrill
Your spirits and genitals run though the mill
With plenty o' holes and prescriptions to fill
'Cause Tinder makes you so gross!