[Verse 1: Chris Webby]
I'm a punchline professional, far from conventional
Always make a point, like what comes right before a decimal
I never ate my vegetables, skipped out of pre-school
Spit molten lava, ain't a second I could be cool
I'm nasty, so come right at me
I get fresh to death, shit I'm great like Gatsby
My voice stays raspy, the ladies like it
They always jock my swagger and tell me that I'm the nicest
I'm righteous, so who fuckin' with Webster?
Stay bangin' out tracks in the lab like Dexter
I'm clever, everyday under pressure
Bow down to King Mathers, but I am his successor
An MC like Escher, fresh, flyer than feathers
Rollin' up the trees then light up like a projector
I'm better, bitch, trust me
I'm Super Mario with a star, cause y'all can't touch me

[Chorus: Chris Webby]
You can never be the man that I'll be
Never go to war with a dude like me
You'll be barking up the wrong tree, trust me
You can never do the things that I do
You never spit the words that I spew
You can never stand or walk in my shoes, trust me
[Verse 2: Chris Webby]
You'd be barkin' up the wrong tree, barkin' at the wrong dog
Power walkin' around you motherfuckers at full charge
I go hard, shit, I'm oh so sick
I'm loco, bitch, eat rappers like coco crisp
And get it jumpin' like a pogo stick, nobody next to this
I've been rappin' since Sonic was running on Sega Genesis
Oh, I'll throw knuckles like his nemesis, now who can step to Chris?
I'm so fly, I got a leg up on Pegasus
Put together sentences, verses to the choruses
On the underground like bones of stegasauruses
My kicks harder than Chuck Norris's
One roundhouse will knock you all the way to places that you're foreign with
I'm rollin' with at least three ninjas, call me Colt
But bitches call me the Carpenter, I screw, nut and bolt
I won't just give up, and don't just back down
And don't give two fucks, y'all know all that now

[Chorus: Chris Webby]
You can never be the man that I'll be
Never go to war with a dude like me
You'll be barking up the wrong tree, trust me
You can never do the things that I do
You never spit the words that I spew
You can never stand or walk in my shoes, trust me
[Verse 3: Chris Webby]
I'm a motherfucker animal, squirter full of cannonballs
Playing drinking games, 'til I hardly even stand at all
I bite bitches like True Blood, this dudes rough
Brain screwed up, from too much drugs, I never grew up
Drink until I threw up, throw up, vomit
Barf on the game, you bitches don't really want it
Sorry, homeboy, but do not interrupt me
I'm better at rapping than you bitch, trust me

[Chorus: Chris Webby]
You can never be the man that I'll be
Never go to war with a dude like me
You'll be barking up the wrong tree, trust me
You can never do the things that I do
You never spit the words that I spew
You can never stand or walk in my shoes, trust me