The thing that's forbidden
by the Tibetan Book of the Dead
is crying.
   
Crying is not allowed  
because it's supposedly
confusing to the dead
 
and you don't want to summon them back,
because they actually can't come back.
 
So, no crying.
 
When Lolabelle died, our teacher said,
"Every time you think of her,
give something away or do something kind."
 
And I said,
"Then I’d be giving things away nonstop."
   
And he said,
"So?"
 
And it took me so long to figure it out,
because death is so often about regrets
or guilt.
 
'Why didn't I call her?
Why didn't I say that?"
 
It's more about you
than the person who died.
 
But finally I saw it -
the connection between love and death
 
and that the purpose of death
is the release of love.