Now only an expert can deal with the problem
Because half the problem is seeing the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem

So if there's no expert dealing with the problem
It's really actually twice the problem
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem

Now in America we like solutions
We like solutions to problems
And there's so many companies that offer solutions
Companies with names like Pet Solution
The Hair Solution. The Debt Solution. The World Solution. The Sushi Solution
Companies with experts ready to solve the problems
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem

Now let's say you're invited to be on Oprah
And you don't have a problem
But you want to go on the show, so you need a problem
So you invent a problem
But if you're not an expert in problems
You're probably not going to invent a very plausible problem
And so you're probably going to get nailed
You're going to get exposed
You're going to have to bow down and apologize
And beg for the public's forgiveness
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Now on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems
The big question is always "How can I get control?
How can I take control?"
But don't forget this is a question for the regular viewer
The person who's barely getting by
The person who's watching shows about people with problems
The person who's part of the 60% of the U.S. population
1.3 weeks away, 1.3 pay checks away from a shelter
In other words, a person with a problem
So when experts say, "Let's get to the root of the problem
Let's take control of the problem
So if you take control of the problem you can solve the problem."
Now often this doesn't work at all because the situation is completely out of control
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem

Now sometimes experts lend you money
And sometimes they lend you lots of money
And sometimes when the subprime mortgages collapse
And banks close and businesses fail
And the crisis spreads around the world
Sometimes other experts say:
"Just because aII the markets crashed
Doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing"
And other experts say: "Just because aII your friends were fired
And your family's broke and we didn't see it coming
Doesn't mean that we were wrong"
And just because you lost your job and your house
And all your savings doesn't mean you don't have to pay for the bailouts
For the traders and the bankers and the speculators
Cause only an expert can design a bailout
And only an expert can expect a bailout
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem

And sometimes, if it's really really really hot
And it's July in January
And there's no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities
And hurricanes are everywhere
And everyone knows it's a problem
But if some of the experts say it's no problem
And other experts claim it's no problem
Or explain why it's no problem
Then it's simply not a problem
But when an expert says it's a problem
And makes a movie and wins an Oscar about the problem
Then all the other experts have to agree that it is most likely a problem
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem

And even though a county can invade another country
And flatten it. And ruin it. And create havoc and civil war in that other country
If the experts say that it's not a problem
And everyone agrees that they're experts good at seeing problems
Then invading that country is simply not a problem
And if a country tortures people
And holds citizens without cause or trial and sets up military tribunals
This is also not a problem
Unless there's an expert who says it's the beginning of a problem
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can see there's a problem
And see the problem is half the problem
And only an expert can deal with the problem
Only an expert can deal with the problem