[Verse 1]
I saw this guy on the train
And he seemed to have gotten stuck
In one of those abstract trances
And he was going ugh... ugh... ugh...
And Geraldine said
You know, I think he’s in some kind of pain
I think it’s a pain cry
And I said – if that’s a pain cry
Then language is a virus

[Chorus]
Language is a virus! (mmm)
Language is a virus!
Aaah-ooh, ah-ahh-ooh
Aaah-ooh, ah-ahh-ooh

[Verse 2]
Well I was feeling really rotten the other day
I was feeling washed up
And I said to myself
I know what I’m gonna do
I’m gonna take myself out
So I went to the park and I sat down
And I said – boy is this ever fun
I’m really having fun now
I'm having the time of my life, now
And then this little dog ran up
And this dog had ears like a drop-leaf table
And I said – boy is this ever...
Fun
[Chorus]
Language is a virus!
Language is a virus!

Ahh-ahh
Aaah-ooh, ah-ahh

[Verse 3]
Well I was talking to a friend the other day
And I was saying...
I wanted you
And I was looking for you
But I couldn’t find you
And he said – hey!
Are you talking to me?
Or are you just practicing
For one of those performances of yours?

[Chorus]
Language is a virus!
Language is a virus!

Ahh-ooh
Ah-ahh-ooh

[Verse 4]
You know, I don’t believe there’s such a thing
As the Japanese language
I mean, they don’t even know how to write
They just draw pictures of these little characters
And when they talk, they just make sounds
That more or less sync up with their lips
[Chorus]
Language is a virus!
Language is a virus!

Ah-aah-ooh, ah-ahh-ooh
Ah-ahh-ooh, ah-ahh-ooh

[Verse 5]
Well I walked uptown
And I saw a sign – 'Today’s lecture:
Big Science and Little Man'
So, I walked in and there were all these salesmen there
With a big pile of electronics
And they were singing – "Phase, lock, loop!
Neurological bonding
Video disc"
They were saying – "We’re gonna link you up...
We’re gonna phase you in!"
They said – "Think of it this way...
Picture a Christmas tree
With lots of little sparkly lights
And each light is totally separate
But they’re all sort of hanging off the same wire
Get the picture?"
And I said – "Count me out."
And they said – "We’ve got your number"
And I said – "Count me out!
You gotta count me out!"
[Chorus]
Language is a virus!