Old Uncle Judd had troubles of his own
He had a scruffy yellow tom that wouldn't leave home
He went to church one Sunday, one Sunday for advice
The preacher said, "Leave him here, 't'would be so very nice."

CHORUS:
But the cat came back, the cat came back
Thought he was a goner, but the cat came back
He just couldn't stay away
He gave him to a man going up in a balloon'
And asked the chap to leave him with the Man in the Moon
Well, the balloon it must have busted; well, that's what everybody said
'Cause ten miles away they picked the man up dead

CHORUS:
Old Uncle Judd swore he'd kill the cat on sight
He loaded up his blunderbuss with nails & dynamite
He aimed it at the spot where the tomcat would appear
All they ever found was Uncle Judd's left ear...
[SPOPKEN:]
"Uh, where did they find it?"
"Well, it was just left 'ere."

CHORUS:
He broke into the house, ate everything in sight;
While outside this Irish fella was looking for a fight
The cat all smiles sat fat & fully fed
The fella sang "Rule, Brittania" and the cat dropped dead
CHORUS: [replace "the cat" with "his ghost"]