[Verse]

Oh! We are the guards
Who are terribly, terribly feared
Two terrible twins
They're a terrible Siamese beard
Oh! We are a thing
We're a thing you could not call a friend
One Siamese beard
With a twin with a twin on each end
We're vicious and mean
We're unkind and unkempt and uncouth
We have been that way
Since our clearliest earliest youth
Each year we get worse
For that is the unfortunate trend
Of Siamese beards
With a twin with a twin on each end
Oh! We are the guards
Of Terwilliker-illiker's land
We're here to make sure
That the boys will not get out of hand
Don't try to get fresh
In the land in the land we defend
Or you will get choked
By the beard on the twins with a Siamese beard
With the terrible twins on each end!