[Intro: Eminem]
The story I'm about to tell is a true story
And my family knows it's a true story
That's why they might not wanna listen

[Verse 1: Eminem]
I never asked to be born, so don't blame me for the crap I did
You're the one who made the choice to have me
I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused my ratty mom and daddy
If they spent a bit more time with me, they'd've noticed
They was raising [?] got some problems [?]
But mommy didn't want me and that made me bitter
Shitty diapers and the formula, you dumped me on the babysitter
Buzzin' around from place-to-place to whoever would take me
I developed a problem listenin' and you never could make me
I learned how to crawl and got ahold of matches
Thought it was neat the way they sparked and then I'm settin' fire to my mattress
So curse the bratty baby, I didn't wanna take off my clothes
My daddy made me, later my grandma tells me that he raped me
If that didn't make me corrupted, then tell me what the fuck did
Now you got a fucked up kid runnin' around the street sayin', "Fuck this"
Cussin' neighbors up and down the street after
Influence this behavior onto my little nephew
I come home to my parents' arguments as their wedlock
Ends up becomin' headlocks towards the end of their marriage
So my father leaves shoeprints, but he doesn't leave two cents
Put the blame on the nuisance, he ain't nothin' but a troublemaker
[Verse 2: Eminem]
It's time for Mom to get a brand new man
But Pops, Mama said (uh) he'll support us better than you can (ha!)
She don't like him, but she says we'll have to supplement
'Cause we don't got no money and now the landlord wants to up the rent (huh)
So he takes care but he told me to get my hair cut if I don't [?] with my bare butt
He'll send me in the corner of my room 'til I get a square butt
But if he puts one finger on me, I'm jettin'
I'll threaten to run away, Mom don't believe how ornery I'm gettin'
So as he poses like everything's all roses
Mom goes out, the door closes and I'm beat with a closed fist
But my mom never saw shit, she didn't see any problem
Comin' home from her job and findin' me locked in my closet
And I deserve it - I'm too mouthy, so she's sendin' me to Cali
To go live in an alley with my father, the alkie
So my daddy's out gamblin', I'm back at the house starving
Rotten eggs that I'm scramblin' stick to the pan with no margarine
Everything else is covered in mice turds and I can't find the thermostat
Where the fuck's the furnace at? I've turned to an iceberg
December 25th, my expectations were sabotaged
If Santa Claus left any gifts, he wrapped them in camouflage
So I cry 'til I fall asleep, the bastard's liver collapses
And my mom collects from his policy
So I'm welcomed back home with open arms
But I've grew since to a much bigger nuisance
You ain't seen a fucking troublemaker
[Break: Eminem]
Uh-huh
Yeah
Uh

[Verse 3: Eminem]
Now I'm flown right back to the motherfucking Terrordome
And puberty's got my voice deeper than down to a baritone
Now I'm fitting Dad's shoes, but right when I hit the door
The son of a bitches recognize a lad who's nothin' but bad news, ha
Mama wept crocodile tears of joy
While I step, Papa smiled "Here's our boy!"
Fuck the jivin', you don't care how I've been
I'm almost big enough for driving, I'm 13 and 5'10"
And I'm growing up at a fast rate, I just discovered I'm heterosexual
So I went around grabbing the butts of my female classmates
I get suspension, plus immoderate punishment
We would've still [?] drugs [?] a ton of shit
[?] couldn't make me wanna quit
This only turned me to a glutton
They got my sanity hanging on by a thread like a button
So summer comes, the grass is dry, I drop a match and burn the lawn
I put my hamster in the microwave and turn it on
So now their hands are full 'cause I'm just too intangible for their tolerance
Let the juvenile system tame this animal, I'm sick of hollering
Look, I got problems - they don't got the patience
I've got all these frustrations inside of me that don't even make sense
So now I walk the halls of youth homes
Searchin' 'em for escape routes with a fine tooth comb
'Cause they ain't keepin' me with the tough defenses
Plus once I turn 18, I'm of-age and can stop humping fences
Finally, I'm 18, I'm free, they wipe the slate clean on me
Now, it's just me and my new girlfriend living off of baked beans
Ronnie's got no diploma, Ronnie don't get good employment
Ronnie's life's down the toilet, so who should Ronnie point at?
For bein' a stoner my last year of teens
Smokin' bowls to the [?] from the box, pokin' holes in my clothes
And I'm down to my last pair of jeans, that's what I've got to look forward to
But I don't wanna look forward, nor would you
So this Christmas I'll be with Jesus
When you find me laying on a couch with my head in pieces
But to my nephew, I just wanna have the truth known
Engrave, "The little troublemaker never had a chance" on my tombstone