Chorus (Dido):
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all...
The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all!
And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall!
It reminds me ,that it's not so bad, it's not so bad! (x2)

Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'!
I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom!
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em...
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'!
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, f* it, what's been up, man? How's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father!
If I havе a daughter, guess what I'ma call her!
I'ma namе her Bonnie!
I read about your uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry...
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him...
I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan!
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam!
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man!
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that sh*t was phat!
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back!
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan!

Chorus (Dido):
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all...
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all!
And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me ,that it's not so bad, it's not so bad! (x2)
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance!
I ain't mad, I just think it's f* up you don't answer fans!
If you didn't want to talk to me outside your concert, you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew!
That's my little brother, man, he's only six years old!
We waited in the blisterin' cold for you, for four hours, and you just said no!
That's pretty shitty, man, you're like his f*' idol!
He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do!
I ain't that mad, though I just don't like bein' lied to!
Remember when we met in Denver?
You said if I'd write you, you would write back!
See, I'm just like you in a way: I never knew my father neither!
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her!
I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs!
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on, 'cause I don't really got sh*t else...
So that sh*t helps when I'm depressed!
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest!
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds, it's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me!
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you ‘cause you tell it!
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7!
But she don't know you like I know you, Slim, no one does!
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up!
You gotta call me, man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose!
Sincerely yours, Stan!
P.S.: We should be together too!

Chorus (Dido):
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all...
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all!
And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad! (x2)
Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass!
It's been six months, and still no word — I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect!
So this is my cassette I'm sendin' you, I hope you hear it!
I'm in the car right now, I'm doin' 90 on the freeway!
Hey, Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"?
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin' but didn't? Then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is: You coulda rescued me from drownin'!
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now — I'm drowsy!
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call!!!
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall!!!
I loved you, Slim, we coulda been together—think about it!
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it!!!
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it!!!
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me!!!
See, Slim — shut up, bitch, I'm tryin' to talk!
Hey, Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin' in the trunk!
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up — see? I ain't like you!
‘Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more and then she'll die too!
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now!
Oh, shit, I forgot—how am I supposed to send this shit out?!

Chorus (Dido):
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all...
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all!
And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad! (x2)
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busy!
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that...
And here's an autograph for your brother; I wrote it on a Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must've missed you!
Don't think I did that sh*t intentionally just to diss you!
But what's this sh*t you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that sh*t just clownin', dawg, come on, how fucked up is you?
You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin'!
To help your ass from bouncin' off the walls when you get down some!
And what's this sh*t about us meant to be together?
That type of sh*t'll make me not want us to meet each other...
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other!
Or maybe you just need to treat her better!!!
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time!
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin' just fine!
If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you, but Stan
Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy s*t!
I seen this one sh*t on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick!
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge!
And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid!
And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to!
Come to think about it, his name was — it was you! Damn…

...

Dido (as Stan):
My picture on your wall, it reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad!

Slim, what's real? It's been a minute...
Pro/lly don't remember me, but you will when I'm finished!
Had a relative who liked you, and go on by his pain, but he died and you made a hit song of his name!
But my bro, it was sixty below, I was six at your show!
Just wanted your autograph but like a d* you said "No!"!

He ripped up all your posters and I taped them back together!
I can't comprehend why I'm writing this letter!
I could talk to my friends but my idol was better!
I'm lying, 'cause everybody thinks I'm crazy!
It ain't true!
So I ain't have any f* friends, thanks to you!
I ain't mad, get at me Slim. If you don't then I'll get at you!!!

Dear Slim, I see you ain't changed a bit!
Still not writing your fans back, that's insane as sh*t!
Look, I understand you're busy with fame, you're rich
But until you respond to me, I don't aim to quit!

It's been 10 years, still wishing his life never ended!
I never got the starter cap, did you ever send it?!
You'd think I'd be a celebrity 'cause you made "Stan"!
Instead, I'm all alone, I feel like a caged man!
My mom's drug deals make her dumb as a caveman!
And I'm sick of sitting through this sh*t!
The other day she blamed me for Stan's death, and I ain't had shit to do with it!
Treats me like nothing and I swear it f* kills me!!!
Her new husband says why can't I do like normal persons do?

I'm ranting through the roof but I'm just writing off some truth...
Oh, by the way, I'm sorry you lost Proof!
I hope you get this letter!

Okay, I see why they call you Shady now!
Cuz you don't give a fuck about anyone but Hailie, paw!
And you don't have to read this letter because it may be foul!!
I've accepted the fact that I'm crazy now!

Come on Slim, are you really that busy?
You can't get back to me? Are my letters that shitty?
You can write a verse for Drizzy, you can write a verse for Fitty?
I'm your biggest fan and you can't spare a few words of pity?
I sit and think about the fact that I could still be holdin' Stan's hand if you just f* wrote back!!!
It's all your fault Slim, I can't cuttin' you no slack!
Your new songs suck, drugs fucked your whole act!!!
F* you Slim, you capiche? F* you!
That bitch he was with was carrying my niece and nephew!!!
I regret the day that I ever met you!!
But I won't ever let you. I'm too much of a fan
I really miss my brother Stan!
I often go to sleep and dream about that night!
And in those dreams, I hear his girl screaming for her life!!
Coulda all been avoided, every grab hold or strike!!
But nooo, you too much of an assh*le to write!!!
You out relapsing and Stan's still f* dead!!!
I wish it woulda been you going over that f* ledge
I'll get at you!!!

It's like I'm in this dirt, digging up old hurt...
Tried everything to get my mind off you, it won't work!
All it takes is one song on the radio, you're, right back on it, reminding me all over again!
How you fucking just brushed me off and left me so burnt!
Spent a lot of time tryna soul search...
Maybe I needed to grow up a little first
Well, looks like I hit a growth spurt!
But I'm coming for closure!
Don't suppose an explanation I'm owed, for the way that you turned your back on me just when I may have needed you most!
Oh, you thought it was over? You could just close the
Chapter and go about your life like it was nothing?
You ruined mine, but you seem to be doing fine!
Well, I've never recovered...
But tonight I bet you that what you're about to go through's tougher than anything I ever have suffered!
Can't think of a better way to define poetic justice!
Can I hold grudges? Mind saying, "Let it go, f* this."
Heart's saying, "I will, once I * and then drive off in the sunset."

Second chorus (Sarah Jaffe):
I flee the scene like it was my last ride (last ride)...
You see right through, oh, you had me pegged the first time!
You can see the truth, but it's easier to justify... What's bad is good, and I hate to be the bad guy!
I just hate to be the bad guy!
(Follow me, I ruh-uh-un; follow me, I ruh-uh-un)!
I just hate to be the bad guy!
(Follow me, I ruh-uh-un; follow me, I ruh-uh-un)!

And to think I used to think you was the shit, bitch
To think it was you at one time I worshipped, shit
Think you can hurt people and just keep getting away with it?
Not this time, you better go and get the sewing kit, bitch!
Finish this stitch, so you can reap what you sew, nitwit
Thought some time would pass and I'd forget it? Forget it!
You left our family in shambles
And you expect me to just get over him, pretend he never existed?
May be gone but he's not forgotten
And don't think ‘cause he's been out the picture
So long that I've stopped the plotting and still ain't coming to get ya
You're wrong and that shit was rotten
And the way you played him's the same shit you did to me, cold
Have you any idea the shit that I've gone through?
Feelings I harbor? All this pent-up resentment I hold on to?
Not once you call to ask me how I'm doing
Letters, you don't respond to 'em
Fuck it, I'm coming to see you
And, gee, who better to talk to than you?
The cause of my problems
My life is garbage, and I'm 'bout to take it out on you
Poof, then I'm gone, voosh!

Second chorus (Sarah Jaffe):
I flee the scene like it was my last ride (last ride)...
You see right through, oh, you had me pegged the first time!
You can see the truth, but it's easier to justify... What's bad is good, and I hate to be the bad guy!
I just hate to be the bad guy!
(Follow me, I ruh-uh-un; follow me, I ruh-uh-un)!
I just hate to be the bad guy!
(Follow me, I ruh-uh-un; follow me, I ruh-uh-un)!

I've been driving around your side of this town, like 9 fricking hours and 45 minutes now!
Finally, I found your new address, park in your drive!
Feel like I've been waiting on this moment all of my life!
And it's now arrived, and my mouth is full of saliva!
My knife is out and I'm ducking on the side of your house!
See, it's sad it came to this point!
Such a disappointment I had to make this appointment...
To come and see ya, but I ain't here for your empathy
I don't need your apology or your friendship or sympathy
It's revenge that I seek
So I sneak vengefully and treat your bedroom window
Like I reach my full potential—I peeked
Continue to peep, still bent low, then keep
Tapping the glass lightly then start to crescendo, sneak
All the way 'round to the back porch
Man, door handles unlocked, shouldn't be that easy to do this
You don't plan for intruders beforehand?
Surprised to see me? Cat got your tongue?
Gag, chloroform rag, dag, almost hack-up a lung
Like you picked an ax up and swung, stick to the core plan
Dragged to the back of a trunk by one of your fans
Irony's spectacular, huh? Now, who's an idiot, you punk?
And here's your Bronco hat
You can have that shit back ‘cause they suck
It's just me, you and the music now, Slim, I hope you hear it
We're in a car right now – wait, here comes my favorite lyric
"I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die"
And hey, here's a sequel to my
Mathers LP just to try to get people to buy
How's this for a publicity stunt? This should be fun!
Last album now, ‘cause after this, you'll be officially done
Eminem killed by M and M, Matthew Mitchell
Bitch, I even have your initials
I initially was gonna bury you next to my brother, but fuck it
Since you're in love with your city so much, I figured, what the fuck
The best place you could be buried alive is right here
Two more exits, time is quite near!
Hope we don't get stopped, no license I fear!
Those sirens I hear? Guess 90 on the freeway wasn't the brightest idea, as cops appear in my driver's side mirror!
(Oh, God! Police! Aaaghh!)
Hope Foxtrot gets an aerial shot of your burial plot, at least
New plan, Stan!!!
Slim: "Chauvinist pig drove in this big Lincoln Town Car"
Well, gotta go, almost at the bridge!
Haha, big bro, it's for you; Slim, this is for him!!!
And Frank Ocean; oh, hope you can swim well!
Now say you hate homos again!

I also represent, anyone on the receiving end of those jokes you offend...
I'm the nightmare you fell asleep and then woke up still in!
I'm your karma closing in with each stroke of a pen!
Perfect time to have some remorse to show for your sin!
Nope, it's hopeless, I'm the denial that you're hopelessly in!
When they say all of this is approaching its end, but you refuse to believe that it's over, here we go all over again!
Back's to the wall, I'm stacking up all them odds!
Toilets clogged, yeah, ‘cause I'm talking a lot of shit but I'm backing it all up!!
But in my head, there's a voice in the back and it hollers!
"After the track is demolished, I am your lack of a conscience
I'm the ringing in your ears, I'm the polyps on the back of your tonsils eating your vocal cords after your concerts!
I'm your time that's almost up that you haven't acknowledged!
Grab for some water!
But I'm that pill that's too jagged to swallow...
I'm the bullies you hate that you became!
With every faggot you slaughtered!
Coming back on ya, every woman you insult!
Batter, but the double-standard you have when it comes to your daughters!
I represent everything you take for granted!
‘Cause Marshall Mathers, the rapper's persona is half a facade, and Matthew and Stan just symbolic of you not knowing what you had till it's gone!

‘Cause after all the glitz and the glam, no more fans that are calling your name!
Cameras are off, sad, but it happens to all of them
I'm the hindsight to say, “I told you so!”!
Foreshadows of all the things that are to follow!
I'm the future that's here to show you what happens tomorrow!!!
If you don't stop after they call ya, the biggest laughing stock of rap who can't call it quits!
When it's time to walk away, I'm every guilt trip!
The baggage you have, but as you gather up all your possessions
If there's anything you have left to say, unless it makes an impact, then don't bother!
So 'fore you rest your case, better make sure you're packing a wallop!"!

"So, one last time, I'm back!
'Fore it fades into black and it's all over!
Behold the final chapter in a saga!
Tryna recapture that lightning trapped in a bottle...
Twice, the magic that started it all, tragic portrait of an artist, tortured, trapped in his own drawings!!!
Tap into thoughts blacker and darker than anything imaginable; here goes a wild stab in the dark, uh, as we pick up where the last Mathers left off..."