[Intro]
May I have your attention please
May I have your attention please
Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
I Repeat, Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
We're gonna have a problem here

[Verse 1]
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whooping her --- worse than before
They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Agh!)
It's the return of the "Oh, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said… nothing, you idiots!
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (Ha ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around, grabbing his you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose
But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to ---- a dead moose
"My --- is on your lips, my --- is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course, they're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals—well, some of us, cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can ---- dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes
[Hook x2]
I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up
Cause I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up

[Verse 2]
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well, I do; so ---- him and so ---- you too
You think I give a ---- about a Grammy
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird
Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
----, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave ---- to first
This ---- put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download an audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem -- (Agh!)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a ---- like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me
[Hook x2]
Cause I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up
Cause I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up

[Verse 3]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the ----- to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, I just ---- it
Better than 90% of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like -------
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm 30
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurse's ------ when I'm ------- off with Jergens
And I'm -------, but this whole bag of ------ isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, screaming, circling"I don't give a ----!"
With his windows down and his system up
So, will The Real Shady please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go
[Hook x4]
I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up
Cause I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up
Cause I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up
Cause I'm Slim Shady, Yes I'm The Real Shady
All You Other Slim Shadys Are Just Imitating
So Won't The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up

[Outro]
Ha ha, I guess there’s a Slim Shady in all of us
---- it, let’s all stand up

[Produced by Dr. Dre & Mel-Man]