[Intro]
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

[Verse 1]
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her butt worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture
It's the return of the... "ah wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said...nothin', you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's under the tombstone again (ha ha)
All of these women love Eminem
"Chigga chigga chigga Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who," "yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on when you don't let loose
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for your mom to cook me a dead moose
"Kim never gave me a kiss, Kim never gave me a kiss"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give Kim a little flip
We ain't nothing but mammals -- well, some of us, cannibals
Who cut other rappers open like antelopes
But if we can kill animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Hook x2]
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up

[Verse 2]
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well, I do - so he sucks and so do you
You think I give a damn about a Grammy
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?
Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
This woman put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download the audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you made the whole world garbage to me
I'm sick of you [little girl and boy groups,] all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a stuck like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me
[Hook x2]

[Verse 3]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the [balls] to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, I just crap it
Better than 90% of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like his name is Caleb
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm thirty
Every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling
With his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go

[Hook]

[Outro]
Ha ha, I guess there’s a Slim Shady in all of us
Damn it, let’s all stand up