[Intro: Eminem]
May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here...

[Verse 1: Eminem]
Y'all act like you never seen people fucking before
Parents burst in the door, catchin' their kid jerkin' it on the floor
Your dad starts beatin' your ass worse than before
"What if Jesus was watching?" hell, i'd just jеrk it some more
It's the rеturn of the "Oh, wait no way, you're kidding
He didn't just make fun of our religion did he?"
And some random bitch on Twitter said... nothing, you idiots
The bitch is dead, she's locked in my basement
Feminist women love Eminem
"Like oh my fucking God, it's Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around calling us hoes and thots
Drunk texting me out of the blue, yeah but i thought you were into dudes?"
I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than the silly people who voted for Ted Cruz
Sometime I wanna get on Twitter and just let loose
But can't, so instead I beg Dua Lipa to send n***s
"Send a pic of your tits, send a pic of your tits"
And if you're lucky, I might just send you one of my dick
And that's the message we deliver to random chicks
Like they can't see how fucked up the Internet is
So of course we know how fucked up the world is
By the time we hit fourth grade
And hear guns poppin' off in the hallway
We ain't nothin' but mammals—well, some of you can't handle
That your step-sis is in the next room
And your parents won't be back until afternoon
"Hey sis, you wanna screw?"
'Cause there's no reason that you and your step sister can't elope
So go ahead, give her ass another stroke
Snort another line of coke, sing the chorus, and it goes—
[Chorus: Eminem]
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Verse 2: Eminem & Kanye West]
Doja Cat don't gotta post n***s to sell records
Well I do, so subscribe to my OnlyFans too!
You think I give a damn about a GRAMMY?
Half of you snowflakes can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be lit?"
Why, so you guys can get mad when I say the word "Bitch?"
And when I beat my meat while I rage tweet
Shit, is that Kanye West? Better switch me seats
So I can sit next to Jhené Aiko and flirt
And fantasize about her giving me a little head first
And Kanye West still thinks we're talking about him
"Yeah I really am the man, I should text Kim again"
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world how Ariana Grande can't sing
I'm sick of you little Tik-Tok groups
All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to cancel you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me, who just wanna get a nut like me
Who cross-dress like me: walk, talk and fuck like me
And just might be, the next gay rapper, but not quite me
[Chorus: Eminem]
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Verse 3: Eminem]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about with your priest in the confession booth
The only difference is that if I hit a million subs
Then I'll upload a video of myself busting a nut
(Dude, what the fuck?)
I just call up your girl and kick it
And whether she likes to adimit it, I can hit it
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder: "Why does my girl hang with Slim every weekend?"
It's funny 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm sixty
I'll be the only person at the nursing home trickin
Slingin dick out back and slappin' nurses while I'm strippin'
And I'm twerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Chick-fil-A, but only on a sunday
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming, "I just shaved my nuts"
With his dick out and his system up
So will the real Shady please stand up
And put one of these glowsticks in each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, cut another line, and snort it up your nose!
[Chorus: Eminem]
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Outro: Eminem]
Ha ha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up!