[Verse 1]
Well, they say is you live all work and no play
Then your life can become such a mess
So, my baby said, "Baby, you should try golfing
That'll help you deal with your stress."
So, I bought me some irons, a putter, and a driver
And some golf shoes made by Dr. Scholls
A new bag and sunglasses
Took a few short game classes
And made my way to the first hole

[Chorus]
Well, my swing is all wrong
My golf balls are gone
And I drove the cart into a tree
And the country club banned me
A woodchuck attacked me
It's official: Golf ain't for me

[Verse 2]
I hit a bunch in the woods and even more in the water
And I pegged a guy mowing his yard
I couldn't get out of the sand traps
Got lost in the tall grass
So, just put me down for a par
[Chorus]
Well, my swing is all wrong
My golf balls are gone
And I blew out my hip and both knees
And when I passed out from a heat stroke
It made me spill my Diet Coke
It's official: Golf ain't for me

[Bridge]
First hole, I got a twenty
Second hole, another twenty
Then, I continued to fail
The last hole, I got an eagle right in the temple
Spent the next three weeks in jail

[Chorus]
Well, my swing is all wrong
My golf balls are gone
And every follow through, I'm yelling, "Fore!"
And my voice went hoarse
So I left that course
And I ain't playing golf anymore
I threw my clubs in the moat
And I bought a bass boat
And I ain't playing golf anymore
No, I ain't playing golf anymore