[Verse 1]
I wanted much to go to war and went to be examined
The surgeon looked me o'er and o'er
M'back and chest he hammered
Said he, "You're not the man for me, your lungs are much effected,"
And likewise both your eyes are cock'd, and otherwise defected!"

[Chorus]
So now I'm with the Invalids, I cannot go and fight, sir!
The doctor told me so you know, of course it must be right, sir!

[Verse 2]
While I was there a host of chaps for reasons were exempted
Ol' "Pursey" he was laid aside, to pass he had attempted!
The doctor said "I do not like your corporosity, sir!"
"You'll breed a famine in the camp wherever you might be, sir!"

[Chorus]
So now I'm with the Invalids, I cannot go and fight, sir!
The doctor told me so you know, of course it must be right, sir!

[Verse 3]
There came a fellow, mighty tall
A "knock-kneed overgrowner"
The Doctor said, "I've got no time
To take and look you over."
Next came along a little chap
Who was 'bout two foot nothing
The Doctor said, "You'd better go
And tell your mummy you're coming!"
[Chorus]
So now I'm with the Invalids, I cannot go and fight, sir!
The doctor told me so you know, of course it must be right, sir!

[Verse 4]
Some had the ticerdolerreou
Some what they call "brown critters"
And some were lank and lazy too
And some too fond of bitters
Some had "flag legs" and one "one eye"
Their backs were tall and crooked
You would have laugh'd till you had cried
To see how "cute" they lookid!

[Chorus]
So now I'm with the Invalids, I cannot go and fight, sir!
The doctor told me so you know, of course it must be right, sir!