A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

John Mulaney

"Music, Music Everywhere!"

[MR. MUSIC]
There is music here
Music there
Music, music everywhere!
Use your ear
Be aware, you're making music everywhere
When you tap a pen on a paperback book...
Not too loud but you get the point!
Toss a dress shirt in a laundry sack...
Subtle sound, let me find something else!

[CORDELIA]
(Spoken)
I have a clarinet

[MR. MUSIC]
(Spoken)
-What?

[CORDELIA]
(Spoken)
How about my clarinet?

[MR. MUSIC]
(Spoken)
I don't need instruments! Listen when I say what songs are about, I'm making music! You're ignorant!
(Funny voice)
I'm makin' music!
Haha!

(Sung)
Cause there is music here
Music there
Music, music everywhere!
Use your ears, be aware
You're making music everywhere!!

Even a cat can bat a tune

(Spoken)
Do it

[CAT]
Meow

[MR. MUSIC]
(Sung)
Or take a pudding cup and put in a spoon!
Then when you pull it out...
Then when you pull it out...
(Spoken)
I did this last night, it made a sound

[JOHN MULANEY]
What kind of sound did it make?

[MR. MUSIC]
Like a squishy sound, like a butt!

[CORDELIA]
Maybe if you tap it-

[MR. MUSIC]
NO! You talked over it just made the noise!
(Sung)
The music is so loud you have to shout
Listen to the ruckus when you swirl Bordeaux
Or just take the bottle and let it blow!
(Spoken)
Okay um, I just broke a bottle over here. Jus- I don't know if you walk over here but you should jus- there are no big pieces it shattered. Oh!
(Sung)
There is music here
Music there
Music, music everywhere!

[CORDELIA]
Is Mr. Music okay?

[JOHN MULANEY]
No, Mr. Music is not okay, he's having a lot of trouble

[MR. MUSIC]
I stayed up late
I should have prepped
And planted stuff
That make sounds

Leaky faucet goes drip drip drop!
(Spoken)
Who fixed this?
(Sung)
This new modern toilet makes quite a sound!
It's louder than a gong when you flush it down!
(Spoken)
Just- lower the boom. Just work with me, and just lower the boom into the toilet bowl! Now I have to wait for it to be ready again, I don't want the commode to overflow
Okay now it's safe to flush again
DAMN IT!
I need my tap shoes!
(Sung)
Jump up on your Tempur-Pedic bed
And tap dance so loud that you wake the dead!
Mama told you not to make a peep
Well clickety-clack and wake her out of her sleep!
(Spoken)
Ah! Oh did y- I landed weird on my ankle and it popped
Did you hear that?!

[CHILDREN]
(Spoken together)
No

[MR. MUSIC]
(Sung)
It was like music everywhere!
(Spoken)
What time is it, am I supposed to do an hour?

[JOHN MULANEY]
No, no, who told you that?

[MR. MUSIC]
I can do an hour!

[JOHN MULANEY]
Absolutely not

[MR. MUSIC]
(Sung)
Give me the clarinet you mentioned before
I said I didn't need it give it to me please
You'll never believe what a sound it makes
When I throw it out the window and the window breaks!!

[CORDELIA]
(Spoken)
No! That's my clarinet

[MR. MUSIC]
(Spoken)
It landed on a truck full of pillows that was passing by only then. Lord, you don't want me to make music do you?!
(Sung)
Maybe grab that cat by its tail!

[JOHN MULANEY]
(Spoken)
Hey! No!

[MR. MUSIC]
Swing it around and the cat will wail!!
(Spoken)
Ow! Ow! Mother Mary! There's glass here! Who put glass here?! I'm so stupid. I stayed up late trying on clothes I already owned and I didn't prepare and I failed

[CORDELIA]
Dad, I think that even though most of the things you did weren't audible, you're just trying to teach us that music can come from lots of things that aren't instruments!

[MR. MUSIC]
Yes... Yes!! You see? You understood what I was trying to say! Music is more than just the songs you hear or people singing...
Well it's what you just-- you said it better

[JOHN MULANEY]
Hey, Mr. Music? Mr. Music. What you did was really funny, watching you run around when you were back over there especially. We want you to know that we don't judge you. We don't care

[MR. MUSIC]
You don't care?

[JOHN MULANEY]
No, right?

[CHILDREN]
No, not really

[JOHN MULANEY]
We don't care. Who cares?

[MR. MUSIC]
Nobody cares.. Haha!
Everybody sing! Together!
Cast and crew!

[JOHN MULANEY]
Cast only

[CHILDREN]
(Sung)
Music here, music there
Music, music everywhere!
Use your ears, be aware
You're making music everywhere!

What a day, we learned so much
So many topics left to touch
So when you feel sad and scared
Look for music anywhere
Look for music anywhere!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


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