They found an alien baby in a Russian wood
A man in the delta named Johnny B. Goode
A two-headed cow and a fish that walks
A vampire lover and a monkey that talks
A boy with wings and ice that's hot
And a weeping sports star told us all about pot
Four goals, two cautions and a half-time report
The prime time verdict from the murder court
A woman who died and came back from hell
The president slipped, and he slipped and fell
They found the face of Jesus on an Elvis plate
And snow that fell on the sunshine state
A man at the altar with his 23rd bride
A million small investors who were taken for a ride
A billion dollar budget for the special effects

And a holy man told us not to have sex
Four goals, two cautions and a half-time report
The prime time verdict from the murder court
A woman who died and came back from hell
The president slipped, and he slipped and fell
Gimme one for the money
Make it two for the money
Maybe three for the money
You better make it four for the money
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
The more I hear is the less I care
Four goals, two cautions and a half-time report
The prime time verdict from the murder court
A woman who died and came back from hell
The president slipped, and he slipped and fell