[Verse 1]
There I was
A-digging this hole
A hole in the ground
So big and sort of round it was

There was I
Digging it deep
It was flat at at the bottom
And the sides were steep

When along comes
This bloke in a bowler
Which he lifted and scratched his head
Well, he looked down the hole
Poor demented soul

And he said
"Do you mind if I make a suggestion?"

[Chorus]
Don't dig there
Dig it elsewhere
You're digging it round
And it ought to be square
The shape of it's wrong
It's much too long
And you can't put a hole
Where a hole don't belong

[Post-Chorus (spoken)]
I ask, what a liberty, eh?
Nearly bashed him right in the bowler

[Verse 2]
Well, there was I
Stood in me hole
Shovelling earth
For all that I was worth I was

There was him
Standing up there
So grand and official
With his nose in the air

So, I gave him
A look sort of sideways
And I leaned on
My shovel and sighed

Well, I lit me a fag
And having took a drag I replied:
[Chorus]
I just couldn't bear
To dig it elsewhere
I'm digging it round
'Cause I don't want it square

And if you disagree
It doesn't bother me
That's the place where
The hole's gonna be

[Verse 3]
Well, there we were
Discussing this hole
A hole in the ground
So big and sort of round it was

It's not there now
The ground's all flat
And beneath it is the bloke
In the bowler hat

And that's that