[Verse 1]
Oh, he was playin' his cornet
And he was playin’ it strong
Makin' a noise like an angry hornet
Must have been deaf
Or he never could have borne it

Kept blowin' his cornet
And a-bangin’ his gong
And in-between, if you follow what I mean
While happily swingin' along

[Verse 2]
Oh, he was playin' his cymbal
Tied on top of his head
Fixed to an hat like a great big dimple
Could have got hurt if he hadn't been so nimble

Kept bashin' his cymbal
Fit to waken the dead
And in-between, if you follow what I mean
While hittin' himself on the head

[Verse 3]
Playin' his squeezebox
Between his two knees
Oh, what a place to
Be feelin' thе breeze
And, if you please
Hе was blowin’ his trumpet
And he was bangin’ his drum
Tied to his back where his arm could thump it
And when he missed
Well, he simply had to lump it

Gave out with his trumpet
The sort of tune you can hum
And in-between, if you follow what I mean
While knockin' his vertebrae numb

[Verse 4]
Scrapin’ his fiddle
Wot hung 'round his chest
He must have got rosin
All over his vest

But, what was best
He had got a triangle
Very much to the fore
A bit of bent wire
At a sharp right angle
Over his ear
Oh, where the thing dangle
Whoa, what a tangle
When he gave his encore
For in-between, if you follow what I mean
When some bloke shouted out "More!"
This one-man band
Gave himself a big hand
And fell with a crash to the floor

[yelling]

[Outro (spoken)]
It weren't half a mess
Took the whole London Philharmonic to pick him up

[singing softly]