[Verse 1: Bernard Cribbins]
I know a traffic warden
She's always on our street
She's blonde and fat with yellow hat
And very hard to beat

Just park an extra minute
And she'll pop up all in smiles
When she's 'andin' you a ticket
You can 'ear 'er laugh for miles

[Chorus: Miriam Margolyes]
(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ooh hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ooh hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ooh hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)

[Post-Chorus (spoken)]
She's marvellous, ain't she?
The kids 'round here call her "Giggling Gertie"
Look at 'er, she's like a stranded whale!
Ha! Gor blimey!

[Verse 2: Bernard Cribbins]
She laughs while she is watching for
Another traffic crime
She yells with glee if she can see
The hand go overtimе
You run to feed the meter
But shе's always got there first
Stickin' somethin' on your windscreen
Still laughin' fit to burst

[Chorus: Miriam Margolyes]
(Ooh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ooh hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ooh hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)

[Post-Chorus (spoken)]
She's marvellous
Ev'rytime she bumps, she bounces
And you'll notice that at no time do her arms leave her body

[Verse 3: Bernard Cribbins]
A driver tried to woo her
To avoid a parking fine
He said, "It's dark, let's have a lark
Come press your lips to mine"

So, she let him stop her laughin'
As beside the car they lay
Then at last she said, "I'll 'ave to laugh
They've towed your car away"
[Chorus: Miriam Margolyes]
(Oh ho-ho-ho-ho ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ooh hoo-hoo ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
(Oh hoo-hoo ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)

[Post-Chorus (spoken)]
There used to be two of 'em, ya know, but her mate got run over
She laughed so much, she was off work for three weeks

[Verse 4: Bernard Cribbins]
So, if you should ever see her
As she prowls around the place
Find, if you can, with car or van
A lawful parking space

For while she's only laughing
At a simple meter fine
You'll 'ave 'er in hysterics
On a double yeller line

[Coda]
(Oh ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
There she goes again

(Ooh hoo-hoo-hoo ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
Ain't it marvellous
(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
I don't care, it's not my car!

(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)

(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
You miserable old bat

(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
Why don't you get a proper job?

(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
I 'ope you break your knicker elastic

(Ah ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)