[Verse 1]
Oh, down the pole
Then off we go
Where the bloomin' fire is
I don't know
I'm a-ringin' on the engine bell

And, like as not, I've forgotten me 'elmet
Half the lads
They're left behind
They'll 'ave to take a taxi
But I don't mind
I'm a-ringin' on the engine bell
And 'onkin' on me 'orn as well

[Bridge]
There's music in
The clang of it
Once you get
The hang of it
Very rewarding

[Verse 2]
A dirty, great bus comes
Much too near
He does his little nut
But I don't hear
I'm ringin' on the engine bell
And 'onkin' on me 'ooter
Swearin' at a scooter
(Get out of it!)
Oh, I don't care if it's "No Right Turn"
Gotta get there while the fire's still burnin'
That's why I'm ding-dong-dingin' this bell
(Woo!)

[Verse 3]
I'm two wheels
Around the bend
Talk about a strain on my big end!
I'm a-ringin' on the engine bell

I gone all numb from me thumb to me elbow
One-way streets the wrong way 'round
Another traffic warden hits the ground
I'm ringin' on the engine bell
And nearly takin' off as well

[Bridge]
There's rapture in
The ring of it
Once you get
The swing of it
(Oy!) [whistles]
Give us an encore
[Verse 4]
Whaddya know, mate
Here we are
A-ready with the hosepipe
Right, mate? Ta
I'm ringin' on the engine bell

But the reason we were sent for
(Help! Help!)
Isn't what we went for
(Locked in the what?)

We gets her ad
And takes her name
Back we goes to the place we came from
And I must admit it's just as well
'Cause I was all done-in from
Ding-dong-ding-dong-a-dingin' this bell

[Outro (spoken)]
I said to Fred afterwards, I said
"I've gone all deaf in my left earhole, Fred"
And Fred said, "It serves you bloomin' right"
You see? That's the trouble with Fred
He's got no thought for others
Self, self, self: That's Fred all over
Still, I'll say this for him:
He's very good on the 'osepipe