[Intro: Anthony Fantano]
Eeeuuuuuhhhh! Hi, everyone. Um...this new Brain EP? It's not good. (several explosions)
[Review Part 1: Anthony Fantano]
Brain is supposed to be, literally, the brain - or rather, it's an alternate persona - of rap game Seth Rogen, Lil Dicky, who you might remember I didn't really care for his recently released project Professional Rapper. In fact, I thought it was one of the most long-winded, cringey, and unfunny records to come out in a long time, and if you remember one of the most long-winded and obnoxious tracks on that entire project - "Pillow Talking" - Lil Dicky actually has a rap-style back and forth with his brain. And now that Brain character has returned with an EP of his own.
Of course Lil Dicky is featured on pretty much every track here, even, like, the skit, the "Brainstorming" skit. And yeah, it's seven tracks, it's 20 minutes, and it's pure hell.
[Sample: Brain, (Anthony Fantano)]
Brain got it on smash (Ugh)
Brain got the club jump -
[Review Part 2: Anthony Fantano]
How do you make an entire EP based around just your bad singing voice? Like, this is how I would sing in the shower if I was trying to make myself laugh. It don't sound good, and is it supposed to be funny? Is it supposed to be funny? Is this funny? Brain even got a dick
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
Why your bitch lookin' like she work and shop at Ross?
Where I know you from? I seen you, I'm just struggling to place it
Why -
[Review Part 3: Anthony Fantano]
Ugh, I'm waiting for the joke, 'cause clearly there's a tone of, you know, comedy here. Like he clearly thinks what he's doing is funny, or at least he thinks it's a bit tongue in cheek, or a little cheeky, because it's certainly not charismatic or charming or, I guess, kind of electrifying in the same way that, um, most any other rapper's music would be. Lil Dicky just kind of inhabits this awkward middle lane between these beta tendencies and mainstream rap manliness. It's like wimpy college bro humor at its most potent.
What we're listening to is clearly as much a novelty act as The Lonely Island, and yet we're treating it like it's competing with every other serious rapper out there. But it's not like we haven't been here before, like, what we're hearing here isn't altogether different from, like, back in the day when Asher Roth was rapping about liking college. But at least that was listenable.
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
I also got the neck so long like a giraffe
Suck on titties like a calf
Went a few rounds like a draft
[Review Part 4: Anthony Fantano]
Okay, all right, we're, all right, thank you. Thank you.
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
Never even done cocaine
I've never even done cocaine
I never even tried it, never even tried it
Never even tried it, you know I ain't lying
[Review Part 5: Anthony Fantano]
At least it's just in his regular bad singing voice. Ugh. Are you really about to do a song here about how you haven't done cocaine? I just don't, uh...
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
I was just sipping Chris Brown
She keep on sniffing that Zeus (Coke)
I keep my eyes on the ground
[Review Part 6: Anthony Fantano]
I love how she's sniffing the Zeus and then he had to ad-lib "coke" because the song is about coke. We know what you're referencing.
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
Like as a child I was so dismissive of the baked potato 'til I tried that shit
Now the baked potato is my favorite kind potato
Now she got me -
[Review Part 7: Anthony Fantano]
AHHH! WHY! WHY! ...WHY!
Why not do some meth? It might just be like when you didn't want brussels sprouts as a kid and now you like those!
Now the baked potato is my favorite kind potato
Number one, mashed potatoes are better. They are. And number two, I want to enjoy this thing, but there's no point of view I can apply to it that would make it enjoyable. Do I take what he's saying seriously? I can't because what he's saying is stupid. Do I take what he's saying as a joke? I can't because I don't think it's funny. And it's really corny. Just as corny as any Hopsin record, except it doesn't come with a stupid ideology that he's trying to preach to you. Instead, he's just kind of, in a weirdly predatory way, taking advantage of the fact that he knows his audience has these tendencies of being a little wimpy, they want to be in the crowd, they want to party, they want to have fun, but they're not the alpha.
I wish I could be a fly on the wall of a college dorm room inhabited by a Lil Dicky fan when he goes to unironically play some Lil Dicky for a girl he has in there, only for her to turn around and leave. Because you know somebody's gonna do that with that "F Slo" song on here.
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
Chill, girl, we should chill, girl
You've been humping on me too fast, keep it real -
[Review Part 8: Anthony Fantano]
I feel like I'm listening to somebody who wants to be the center of attention and wants to be the class clown, wants to be the funniest guy in the room, but the only way that he knows to go about doing that is by delivering jokes that are all kind of at the expense of his own dignity. "Hey, I'm smashing eggs on my head and I'm pulling down my pants, and ope, I pooped myself! Ahhhh!"
When, really, honestly, like, a song about being afraid to try cocaine, a song about having an issue with girls fucking too fast on your dick, it's just really...pitiful... (breaks down laughing) It's really sad! I shouldn't be laughing! (laughing more) Oh, Jesus Christ!
There's more to being self-aware than consciously shooting yourself in the foot in front of a crowd of people, and when they look at you and think "Wow, that person's stupid!" you internally think to yourself "Yeah, I knew it was stupid, I knew you were gonna think I was stupid, okay?"
[Sample: Brain]
She fuck me ravenous, oh!
I'm assessing damages, shit
Coordinating all the money bags
Coordinating all the fucking ass
Orating, I don't like it fast
Pores chafing when she fuck me fast
[Review Part 9: Anthony Fantano]
I feel like after hearing these vocals, how can Lil Dicky fans really sit here and act like he's got some kind of access to some sort of talent, or he's, like, at some kind of execution level that no other artist is at, or that he's, like, somehow going to be stepping to the legend status of, like, a Tupac or a Kanye West at some point? Because imagine this scenario:
"Oh, you kids, all you listen to today is trash! You don't listen to any good music today! Back in my day we had real music! Listen to this!"
[Sample: Lil Dicky]
Lemme fuck slow on you, girl
Lemme fuck slow on you, girl
[Review Part 10: Anthony Fantano]
For something titled after a brain, it's pretty goddamn brainless. Also, and if you could bring up the vision of this thing, this character, this - this thing, like the character design on this thing, the CGI character design on this thing is hot garbage. It looks like the mascot for some kind of, I don't know, memory enhancement pill that they might advertise during prime time on CNN. Like, this little guy might walk out and try to sell you some ginkgo buloba.
This thing is unlikable on all levels. The little crappy voice is crappy. The lyrics are just wholesale cornballs and cheeseballs, like man, the cornball and cheeseball emporium is having a liquidation sale and everything must go. Cornballs and cheeseballs, 70% off, 80% off, 90% off!
[Sample: Brain]
The Brain thought of that one
[Review Part 11: Anthony Fantano]
(nearly unintelligible) Brain thought of that one!
[Sample: Brain, (Lil Dicky)]
Brain came through with a bottle of the Nair
Made my bitch rub it all over her pussy
(My bitch so) -
[Review Part 12: Anthony Fantano]
Okay. All right. Okay! All right! Okay! ALL RIGHT! Ughhh, that "Brainstorm" skit is so crappy.
The Game feature on the last track is pretty decent, and I certainly admire the production quality and the instrumentals on this thing. Whoever was kind of behind that certainly had a lot of attention to detail. And when you're talking about most mainstream rap today, once the instrumental is great or at least decent, or at least trendy and on par with much of everything else that's out there in the field, more than half of the battle is won. 70% of the battle is won.
But this whole foundation is just being built to support just a really awful joke, and I'm not really sure what to say about it beyond that. I mean, listen, maybe I'm not one to talk. I have had my history with a really bad alternate persona. But Jesus Christ, this was hard to listen to. This was hard to sit through. This is hard to even continue thinking of. So I'm just going to end it right there. This new Brain EP, it's not good.
[Outro: Anthony Fantano]
Ughhh, -sition. Have you given this EP a listen? Did you love it, did you hate it? What would you rate it? You're the best, you're the best. What should I review next? Hit the like if you like, please subscribe and please don't die. Just stay hydrated and eat your fruits and veggies and stuff. Over here next to my head is a review of Lil Dicky's Professional Rapper, you can click on that - please do - or you can hit the link to subscribe to the channel. I'll see you guys in the next one...forever!
