[Verse 1]
Well, I've had a splitting headache from my eyebrows to my backbone
Arthritis, appendicitis, Bright's Disease, and gall stones
Bleeding ulcers, ingrown toe nails, swollen adenoids
The Asian Flu a time or two, and inflamed vocal chords
I've had a toothache so severe my jawbone split in two
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you

[Verse 2]
Well, I've had the lit end of a cigar pressed against my belly
Whupped on with a crowbar till my eyeball turned to jelly
Accidentally nailed my index finger to the wall
Cut off half my toes and soaked my foot in alcohol
I've had my pelvis ruptured by an angry kangaroo
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you

[Bridge]
Well, it's not because you measure fifty, twenty, forty-four
It's surely not because you own a chain of liquor stores
It's not because your daddy is the richest man in town
It's just that I've grown used to you and having you around

[Verse 3]
I've had my parents tell me, "Son, we don't love you at all"
I've seen my sister's name written on a washroom wall
My best friend set my barn on fire burned my horse to death
I went out with a girl who told me, "George, you've got bad breath"
Last week I drew a crowd when I went to the city zoo
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you
[Verse 1]
Well, I've had a splitting headache from my eyebrows to my backbone
Arthritis, appendicitis, Bright's Disease, and gall stones
Bleeding ulcers, ingrown toe nails, swollen adenoids
The Asian Flu a time or two, and inflamed vocal chords
I've had a toothache so severe my jawbone split in two
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you