[Verse 1: Merle Haggard]
Waylon and Willie are the outlaws
Roger is the king of the road

[Verse 2: George Jones & Merle Haggard]
Everyone knows Hag's been in prison
I didn't know that
Dolly's got two good reasons she's well known
No comment!

[Chorus: George Jones & Merle Haggard]
They call me no-show Jones
They call him no show Jones
I'm seldom ever on
He's seldom ever on
The stage singin' my songs, my whereabouts are unknown
They call him no show Jones
They call me no-show Jones

[Verse 3: Merle Haggard & George Jones]
Loretta is the coal miner's daughter
Ah, she's mighty pretty, Merle
Johnny wears black and stands there alone
Whooo, that's lonesome
Everyone knows that Kenny is the gambler
What's Tammy?
Tammy is the first lady of the country song
[Chorus: George Jones & Merle Haggard]
I'm still no-show Jones
He's still no show Jones
Seldom ever on
Seldom ever on
The stage is singin' my songs, my whereabouts are unknown
They call him no show Jones
They call me no-show Jones

[Bridge: George Jones & Merle Haggard]
I'm gonna straighten up one of these days, Merle
We got you here right now anyway
Do it again

[Chorus: George Jones & Merle Haggard]
They call me no-show Jones
They call him no show Jones
I'm seldom ever on
On what?
The stage singin' my songs, my whereabouts are unknown
They call him no show Jones
They call me no-show Jones
They call him no-show
Where're you at, George?
Somebody
Close that door, George is gone
Somebody check the control room
I'll be damned