Natalie Portman's tapeworm had a sudden and very unexpected change of heart
He said "this indie chick schtick's no longer floating my wick, I think I need a fresh start"

So, he detached himself quietly from the walls of her large intestine
Made his way out through the usual exit
And in the bold light of day he heard himself say:
"Hollywood is not quite how I expected"
It smelt of freedom
Sharp in his nostrils, but undeniable:
Freedom

So, he set himself up comfortably in a small pied-à-terre
On the edge of the Hollywood heartlands
Fashioned himself a sign out of flashlights and twine showing a worm curled defiant to say the revolution had started

All across the millionaire mansions and condos
There were small moments of horror in celebrity bathrooms
As the downtrod detached and a plan it was hatched
For the birth of a new and proud nation

A republic of tapeworms
A free republic of tapeworms
All hail the free republic of tapeworms

The very next session of the United Nations
The worms took up their seats then demanded the floor
"There are things that must be said for both the living and the dead, this is about justice, it's a universal cause. Every time you sat in multiplexes munching in the dark
With your teenage sons and daughters holding onto their hearts
Behind the eyes of the starlets, the talent that shone through
All along it was us and you know that that's true."

And in the viewing gallery, Winona Ryder
At the head of the actress delegation
Now kind of overweight, and dead behind the eyes
Spoke not a word, not a single word but just sighed

It was over, the truth was out
And though the cinema-going public had their private doubts
The broken women slunk back to the flyover states
The worms took the oscars and the riches and the hate

And Ben Affleck sat alone in his mansion on a chair made of cash
Cried a single tear, for every girl that he'd sodomised
'Cause he knew all along it was worms who'd been tickling his balls
And in the last he knew it was actually true love