[BRATT]
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
A secretary is not a toy
No, my boy
Not a toy to fondle and dandle
And playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy
No, a secretary is not
Definitely not
A toy

[EXECUTIVE #1, spoken]
You're absolutely right, Mr. Bratt!

[EXECUTIVE #2, spoken]
We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt!

[EXECUTIVE #3, spoken]
It's a company rule, Mr. Bratt!

[EXECUTIVES]
A secretary is not a toy
No, my boy
Not a toy
So do not go jumping for joy
Boy! A secretary is not
A secretary is not
A secretary is not
A toy
[BRATT]
A secretary is not a pet
Nor an erector set
It happened to Charlie McCoy

[BRATT & EXECUTIVES]
Boy, they fired him like a shot
The day the fellow forgot
A secretary is not
A toy!

[SECRETARIES]
She's a highly specialized key
Component of operational unity
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the office community

[SMITTY]
With a mother at home
She supports

[BRATT]
And you'll find nothing like her at F.A.O. Schwarz!
A secretary is not to be
Used for play therapy
Be good to the girl you employ
Boy, remember, no matter what
Neurotic trouble you've got
[BRATT & EXECUTIVES]
A secretary is not
A toy

[SECRETARIES]
A secretary is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string
Her pad is to write in
And not spend the night in
If that's what you plan to enjoy
No!

[ALL]
The secretary you got
Is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte
Or you know what
Before you jump for joy
Remember this, my boy
A secretary is not
A tinker toy!