In Scotland we flatter the English
By giving victories over them a significance
They don't fuckin' merit
If it was such a big deal to defeat the English
Other countries wouldnae get so fuckin bored doin it

In every hick town in Caledonia
Across this pseudo nation
You can see the most fucked up scum
That was shat into creation
Where a blue McKewan's lager top equals
No imagination
You're hunbelievable
You're hunbelievable

Think you're a success
Your psyche's a mess
Your economy is in distress
You're unbelievable

The mystery of Scottish sport
Is why we hate the English so
I love the English very much
As long as they don't fuckin' beat us
In the European nations cup
Sitting outside Wembely in '79
Jock punks in London,massive carry out
Talking to a guy in an ice cream van
So drunk for weeks and we're goin
Way past the point of wantin tickets
It would be horrendous now if someone
Was to hand you a fuckin' ticket
You'd have to leave all the bevy
Outside the grounds by the polis dump bins
No fuckin' way!
Ten minutes into the fuckin' game
We'd be climbing up the walls to get out
Fuckin' hell

Remember the banner
"Alcoholism beats communism"
Well, it beats the fuck out of football as well

What do they do with all the confiscated bevy
The polis?
Buckets and bags of it?
Give it to the jakies? Nah
Drink it themselves? Mibbe
Give it back to the retailers so they can sell it all back to us over again
The fuckin' cunts
Yes!

Sittin and waiting for the inevitable shot out
That never comes
Sittin and waiting for the inevitable shot out
That never fuckin' comes