Mr. Porter
Protecting Ryan (Skit)
[Skit]
Protecting Ryan, protecting Ryan
Back when I was a teenager
Me, my brother Vish, and my brother Greg
Was playing basketball at the court
There was these two n***as in general
That just kept fouling, just fouling, fouling
So I went up for a lay-up, I'm like "Ball, n***a!"
God damn, they talkin' shit, I'm talkin' shit
He jumps up in my face (what you gon' do, little n***a?)
So I throw an overhand right and a hook, "Bitch!"
Wham! Wham! This n***a falls to the ground asleep
All you see is Z's, birdies, stars, you hear all that shit
And then I run up on the n***a that he was with that was also talkin' shit
I said, "What's up?"
Soon as I said that, this n***a Vish just threw the basketball
And hit him in the face hard as fuck, boom!
Now if he was about to say something tough, he must have just changed his mind
Cause that n***a turned around and broke running
All I heard that n***a saying was, "I don't want a problem!"
And right when I was thinking to myself, "Where the fuck is Greg at?"
I'm reminded of why I never call him when there's a problem
He got this thing about protectin' Ryan, he just kinda overdo shit
So the next thing that happened in my mind, went like this:
Greg flew into the picture, possibly from out of the sky
I think he was wearing a cape
He landed in front of me like dun-dun-da-dun
With a knife in his hand, with the handle taped up
That he had been keeping under his front driver's seat
In his car the whole time and nobody knew
This n***a just blacked out and started swinging the knife at the dude I dropped
Wah wah wah, "I'mma kill you motherfucker!" And start cuttin' the n***a
I had to grab him like, "Greggy, what are you doing? Don't kill this n***a!"
The whole park just went silent
And then the silence gets broken by police sirens
And all you hear from each way is people going, "Greg throw the knife on the roof!
Greg throw the knife in the pool! Get rid of the knife, Greg!"
And he drops the bloody knife right in the grass
I look at him, he looks back at me
Prison bars just come in between us and surrounds him completely
My mother and father just outta nowhere pops into the picture
And I said, "You ain't have to try and kill him Greggy"
My mother and father, "Why you had to try and kill him Greggy?"
He said, "I was protecting Ryan!"
And then he went to prison and started writing letters home
"Dear Momma, I'm so sorry, all I was doing was protectin' Ryan"
And then he came home
"Ryan got a record deal, did you hear, Greg?"
"Yeah, I deal with a record everyday that I got for calling myself protecting Ryan"
"But you ain't have to call his wife a bitch right to her face"
"See here we go again, don't nobody never see my side of the story
Every time I turn around, y'all either defending or protecting Ryan"
I think I get it now, thank you for protectin' me
I wouldn't be where I'm at today if you hadn't protected me
Thank you, thank you for teaching me how to rap
Thank you for teaching me how to scrap
Thank you for sacrificing your life so I can have a better life
Greg, is that what you want to hear?