[Verse 1: Medic and Heavy]
Hold on! Sit tight! Don't be impulsive!
I can't keep you healthy when you're acting so reckless!
I want to fight! Why so compulsive?
Charging in is stupid and entirely feckless

Take a moment, I urge you to consider the facts. (Boring!)
I can't possibly save you from thousands of wounds
Incurred by brazen attacks! (Why not?)

[Chorus: Medic]
You, me, we're in this together
Can we please be just a bit more clever?
Do you hear me? Heavy, do you ever use your head?
That guy's gonna end up dead

[Verse 2: Medic and Heavy]
Calm down! Just chill! Don't be a baby! (Hey!)
Counter-strikes are pointless when you're not thinking clearly! (What?)
Stay put! Stand still! And then, just maybe
You and I will hatch a plan- and make them pay- dearly!
Heavy just want to crush them! (Uh-huh)
Stomp them into the ground! (Yes, of course, but)
If we carelessly rush them, I'm sorry to say that we will not be around for long!

[Chorus: Heavy and Medic]
You, me, we can win this battle
You are puny, I'm as strong as cattle
You will heal me! Heavy use his gattling gun and then- (This is not what I meant!)
Enemy will end up dead!
[Bridge Intro: Medic]
There are a few complications...

[Bridge: Medic and Heavy]
They have a Scout sniffing us out and a Pyro! (Hah! Tiny men!)
Their Engineer's turret is here on the crest! (Hah! I eat turrets for breakfast!)
They have a Spy lurking nearby, plus a Sniper! (MY SANDVICH!)
Their Demoman's armed with the Mann Co's very best!

[Verse 3: Medic, Heavy and Both]
Okay, you win! Let's kick their kiesters!
No one shoots at Heavy while he's eating his sandvich!
The Doc is in! Prepare the Uber!
I will take the payload- While we have the advantage!

Sure, they may see us coming... But we don't really care!
With my Medigun humming
We'll blow them away, so they should say a few prayers because

[Chorus: Both and Heavy]
You, me, baby, we're invincible
And victory is our only principle
We may be wholly unconvincible as well
But nothing can stop us!
It's me, you, hanging by a wire
But we'll get through our own friendly fires
Going pew, pew! Shoot and paint their tire color red!
Now you're going to end up dead! (Hahahahahaha!)