Well don't talk to me about the Wall Street Journal
News Week, Business Week or Time
I read The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
And I get it in a super market checkout line

Read all about it: do it yourself root canals
Not as simple as it may sound
Get all the facts before you start your...yow!
Arkansas woman gives birth to bride, groom and entire wedding party
"Aheh, Lordy, Lordy. I just hope there's enough wedding cake to go round, ah-hoo"

The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
Minds that need examining want to know

Now you can keep your shows like 60 Minutes (60 Minutes)
20/20 and all others of that kind
Just give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
It's the only one that lays it on the line

Alabama woman beamed aboard spacecraft
Gives birth to alien life form
"He's a cute little bugger, named him Zoltar
I just wished he'd stay away from that nuclear power plant down the road there though
They claim he a-suckin' off about two million megawatts a day
I told em, he's just a growin' boy"
Just give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
It's the only one that lays it on the line

Amazing rooster grows side burns
Plays guitar and clucks "Don't Be Cruel", hen house in an uproar
"Yeah these hens is just mesmerized, don't hardly lay at all no more
Spendin' all their time just listenin' to that ol' rooster sing
I mean they're swoonin all over the place
Yeah, they fight for them little silk scarves he throws every song or two
Heh heh, heck I ain't complainin though, he just give me the keys to his new Cadillac"

So don't talk to me about the Wall Street Journal
News Week, Business Week or Time
Give me The National Super Market Checkout Examiner
And I buy it in a super market checkout line