[Verse 1]
Late one night while driving home I stopped to use a roadside phone
To call my wife and tell her I was headed back
When somewhere out of the mist and the fog came a big deer running from a pack of dogs
And that deer ran right into the side of my Cadillac

[Verse 2]
Well, it cracked like thunder when he banged his head, the deer fell over and I thought he's dead
And it spooked the dogs and they ran back In the woods
So I picked up that deer up by his feet, laid him out real neat in my back seat
I'm thinkin' some venison stew might taste real good

(Deerslayer)
That head will look real good up on my wall
What with those big antlers and all, heh, heh

[Verse 3]
Well, I started to put my car in drive when, son of a gun, he came alive
Kicking and snorting in the back of my Cadillac
Breaking windows and smashing doors and I'm not gonna say what he did on the floor
And then he jumped the seat and stomped up and down my back

[Verse 4]
Well, I was trying to stay alive so I jumped out and left the deer inside
Ran to the phone so I could call 911
Then I heard a noise and froze in my tracks, sounded like those dogs might be comin' back
And I looked up and sho-nuff here they come
(Deerslayer)
[Verse 5]
Well, leading that pack was a big old hound, his ears a floppin' and his nose to the ground
And I knew he wouldn't like me stealing his deer
Now that deer had his antlers up through the sunroof and I'm climbin' up the telephone booth
When that dog jumped up and bit me on the rear

[Chorus]
Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911
Somebody get on here quick and be sure to bring your gun
I got hound dogs nippin' at my heels and Bambi's wreckin' my Coupe DeVille
Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911

[Verse 6]
Well, the hound dogs held us both at bay 'til the po-lice came and chased them away
Then they said, "Buddy, you can drop that phone now, and come on down
We can't think of any rhyme or reason for you having that deer 'cause it's out of season
And I think we'd better all go see the judge back in town"

(Deerslayer)

[Verse 7]
Well, you see your Honor, I'd just like to mention that the deer was in bad need of medical attention
And would you believe I was taking him to the vet?
He said thirty days and you do it again and I'll lock you up 'til Lord knows when
And teach you a lesson you will never forget
[Verse 8]
Now my Cadillac's a total wreck I got hoof prints all over my back
And dog bites on my toes and up my shins
My wife's run off- my job is gone and I'm here in the jailhouse all alone
And I know one thing I won't ever say again

[Chorus]
Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911
Somebody get on here quick and be sure to bring your gun
I got hound dogs nippin' at my heels and Bambi's wreckin' my Coupe DeVille
Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911

[Spoken]
I'll tell you one thing - from now on
Road kill is off my menu
At least from now on - I'll make sure it's dead!
And not just playin' possum

Venison stew - Humph!
I'll take chicken noodle soup any day!
BBQ's good too
And sausage! Hey, Jimmy Dean is my hero