Well, my friends, you'd never guess it, so I really must confess it
I just met the sweetest woman in my long and dismal life
But a friend of mine said "Buddy, just in case your mind is muddy
Don't you know that girl you're fooling with
Is old Peg-Leg Johnson's wife
And old Peg-Leg's big and mean and tough and grim
Yeah, and he'll brain you with his artificial limb"

But next morning, bright and early, I stole old Peg-Leg's girlie
And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe
But there weren't no time for laughter 'cause he started hopping after
Now I keep on running faster but he won't give up the chase
So now I'm running 'cross the country with his bride
And I got his wooden leg right by my side

Now I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased by a one-legged fool
Oh, he's hoppin' and he's floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'
I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel

'Cross the deserts and the valleys, those ol' dark Chicago alleys
'Cross that mighty Mississippi to the hills of Caroline
'Cross the mountains of Montana through the swamps of Louisiana
Every time I look back, he's just one leg behind
And I know he must be cold and wet and sick
But in spite of all his woes, he still can kick
Now I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased by a one-legged fool
Oh, he's hoppin' and he's floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'
I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel

Now he's ragged and he's filthy, and I'm feeling kinda guilty
'Specially in the evenings when I hear him plead and beg
He says, "In spite of all your stealing, friend, I bear you no hard feelings
You can keep the blamed old woman, just give me back my leg
'Cause although that leg you meant to take was wooden
In the dark, by mistake, you took my good'un"

Now I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased by a one-legged fool
Oh, he's hoppin' and he's floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'
I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel

Yes, I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased by a one-legged fool
Oh, he's hoppin' and he's floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'
I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel